Showing posts with label joy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label joy. Show all posts

Saturday, 21 March 2015

My Soul Yearns

Stuck in the middle of nowhere,
The path divides into many directions,
Taking with it, a part of me...

Losing myself bit by bit
To the madness,
Of excelling,
Of being better,
Of surrendering..

Few dreams beyond the horizon,
Wait for me..
But I wonder for how long..

I might still be here,
Stuck in pettiness..
While my soul yearns,
For that illusive peace..
Of pure joy,
Of real aspirations,
Of my true being..

Wednesday, 23 October 2013

Orkut-Facebook-Blogger-Twitter

I am coming to mention my reading habit, umpteenth time now. But this post holds reference to what I have been reading off late. 

Almost all the management gurus, trainers, consultants have increasingly started to make reference to "How should one behave online? How should your social networking profile be? What should you say or not say? etc etc"

To be precise the following has been said about how to be while you are online:

- Do not use abusive words in your status updates/tweets/blogs
- Do not post offensive photographs 
- Do not say anything online that you would regret later (also holds good for emails).

I agree with all the above mentioned points. And if judged on these parameters my social life (online) would secure 99.99% marks (0.01% left to grace the benefit of doubt).

But then while you are reading the details on how a proper online social life should be, one tends to get doubtful. Especially people like me, who have been known for being online ALL THE TIME. :). Orkut-Facebook-Blogging-Twitter have been known to make everyone expressive. I can hardly think of anyone around me who doesn't get excited about sharing online, now be it, photographs, their achievements, thoughts or almost anything that matters. I do the same. I write. I write a lot. But will I be able to say that my online activities from the day I came online, have all been "proper". May be. May be not.  

Now should I go back and get on a "deleting frenzy"? Here comes the point I am trying to make in this post. I will not get on a deleting frenzy, not anymore, just so that a certain person does not judge me. When I read myself over and over, I have realized that I have grown mature over these years and my writes (be it my blogs, tweets, FB status updates) have all been proof of that. I would not want to miss my-self again. I would want to always remember how  I have evolved. No matter what I am tomorrow or where I am, achieving my dreams I would always come back to this and feel proud. 

I have realized that my emotions are my strength because I can express. All of this from Day 1 till date, has been me. I have learnt. I have grown but I would never forget my past and the teachings of it all. 

So here I am, 
promising to myself,
and to all the others,
who read me,
that,
I will continue,
to learn,
to share.
I promise to be,
proud of my beginning,
my destination,
and the road taken.
I promise to be,
Me!!

Lots of Sunshine,
Aparna Gautam

P.S. So you did notice? YES! My name. That's the whole point. :)

P.P.S. And please feel free to share what you think about your "Online Journey". 

Monday, 2 July 2012

Scribbling My Heart Out..

Today when I'm sitting alone at this coffee shop, reflecting on my todays, I realize that one needs to do this every day. Sitting at a quiet place (ok this place is not quiet) and spending time with oneself. I know it sounds philosophical and I am not spending time with myself right now. I'm rather waiting for someone. But that's not the point. The point is I'm not at peace with myself. I'm not liking my own company. I'm looking for distractions, almost intoxicated with worldly things. The thing that matters the most 'inner peace', is somehow missing today.
May be because life is moving on a jet speed and I'm not able to catch up. Thrill, excitement, plans, dreams and what not. I'm also trying to guard myself and protect myself from being hurt again. But I guess that's not possible. I can never fight against the 'unknown' - the future. I wouldn't know what are the weapons or tactics this future will use to win against me. Surprisingly I look at my future as an enemy. A very big signal of insecurity. Not right, but at least I know what exactly I have to be working on.
Being scared of the future, makes your present weak. Am I scared? No! But am I prepared? Big No!! Anyways, all said and done, its nice to have the control of my life in my hands. My choices, my wins, my losses, my lessons, my rewards.. And then someone to share all this with, who would love to listen, who respects the intellectual in me, adores the child in me, loves the woman in me, understands the human in me. I'm thankful to all the people who have helped me heal, recover and be back to life in 'full form'. The next post will have a detailed memoir of how each person around me has contributed to my 'new life'.
To conclude, I'd just say.... I am not sure if I'd win all my battles of the future but I am sure as hell gonna try. I'm armed with confidence, fresh outlook, determination, self-belief, and trust of people who mean the world to me.
I don't believe in "big talks", at least not anymore. If I'm able to spend each day with pride and sleep each night with peace, I know that I'm livin' it up! And right now, I'm not just livin' it up, I'm livin' it up 'Queen' style..

Saturday, 3 March 2012

Where My Roots Are..

My "real" tryst with nature goes back to my childhood days, when I was not me, when I was just my granny's little grand-daughter. Dad used to take us to granny's village for holidays. No electricity. No concrete roads.

My village, where morning is welcomed by gurgling and coughing oldies, creeching sound of the hand-pump, infants crying and cattle clinking their bells.

My village, where there are no regular toilets. You have to relieve yourself in the open and yes, the infamous "lotaa" system still prevails. Only that you could take an empty "lotaa" along, as there is a river flowing nearby. Ladies go there early morning in the dark so that no body sees them but still, to be on a safer side, they sit there with their faces covered, because they know that no one can recognize them from their behind.

My village, where there are no amusement parks, computer games or internet. The young girls and boys bring a lot of mud from the riverside and make their own toys. When their fathers are toiling hard in the fields, they play with marbles, or go fishing in the pond where an earthworm or kneaded flour acts as a bait.

My village, where kids go to a school where there are no benches or chairs, where they take their own sacks, to sit on and study. The school, where they sing along with "Master ji" chanting mathematical tables.

My village, where "nuclear families" don't exist. It is all joint. Food, fields, cattle, family, justice, income, everything.

My village, where there are no fans but it is always breezy in the lobby, or at the cot under the banyan tree, or by the river side.

My village, where there are no theatres but there is nothing more entertaining than two mother-in-laws discussing their good-for-nothing daughter-in-laws and vice versa.

My village, where no man apart from the husband could see the new bride's face for at least a year. She should always cover her head in a "ghoonghat" (veil).

My village, where there are no bathrooms or kitchen sinks, so the dishes are done, clothes are washed, bath is taken, all by the river.

My village, doesn't have elite rich inhabitants, but if there is a wedding, then all kitchens are shut down, as every single soul is invited for the "bhoj" (feast).

My village, where there are no marble/wooden floors which could be cleaned using floor-cleaning solutions. Here the mud floor is cleaned by a mix of mud and cow dung and no matter how unimaginable it sounds, once cleaned, the house smells like heaven.

My village, where there are no study lamps, where a bunch of kids gather around a kerosene lamp to study in the evening, while the mothers cook and fathers gossip about how the day was spent in the fields.

My village, where there are no DJs for family functions or get-togethers, but the ladies do not miss a chance to sing the traditional folk songs. The ladies who are totally unaware of the fact that their traditional songs are being proudly remixed and sold in the cities.

My village, where only few people have TVs, but their doors are always open for the entire village when there is an important match or if its "Sri Krishna", "Ramayana" or "The Mahabharata" time.

My village, where there are no air-conditioners or cozy mattresses, but where sleep is totally addictive on a bare cot made out of jute ropes because each and every soul has earned their siesta due to the day's hard work.

My village, which is far behind our comfortable living standards of the city, but where minds are at peace, faces are shining and kids are smiling. My village, where there is no mad rush, no cut-throat competition, no opportunistic behavior, no reason to be fake. My village where no one judges you based on what you wear, or how you look.

My village, where people are happy because they own all the things, money can't buy.

My village...

I miss those days. I miss those sunrises and sunsets. I miss my granny's bedtime stories where all of them used to end on one note "victory of good over evil". I miss being so close to myself.

For me, it doesn't get more real than this. My village is my tryst with nature and reality. My village where less is more, where my roots are, where I am.

Wednesday, 28 December 2011

Year 2011 - I Lost A Pebble, But Found A Treasure!!

This is a common phenomenon in the lives of all the bloggers (well, most of them) that they treat this last week of the calender year as a time where they reflect on the year that went by. I am no different. Its just that I want to look back to analyze where I was then (2010 last week) and where I am now. Writing this post is already making me aware that there is going to be zero readership for this one. But I have to write this. I owe this to myself.



Writing in points is better... (disagree? Jump off a bridge!!)



In the year 2011:













I WAS BROKEN BUT WAS NOT READY TO GIVE UP!!





1. I never gave up: I didnt give up, when I could have, that too, very easily. I had come home in December 2010. And it is never a good thing for an Indian Family when the "married daughter" comes back to their parent's home ever, for good. Yes...It happened. I did come back and I wouldnt want to get into the "Hows and Whys" of it. When relationships end, no matter how big or small, it is always painful. It was for me too. In my case it ensured that I am hospitalized (for the first time ever in my life). I was broken mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, internally and externally. But then could I just hide myself in the confinements of four walls.. No! I couldnt have! I had to move on, no matter how difficult, no matter how impossible. I did. I got back to my previous job. People were kind. No questions were asked. They were kind and they understood.






THE SMILE WAS RETURNING, SLOWLY!!




2. From "Counselor" to "Academic Counselor": Someone at my workplace knew that I am not happy with what I am doing. It was limited. It was just front desk sales - "Convincing people to Think CAT - Think TIME". I was unhappy. I quit. (Even though I left, few people will always be remebered and cherished "Balaji Partibhan, Nivethitha, Vidhya, Girijia Ma'am, Jagan Subburam, Mark North) Just like that. I needed more. Then I came to know of this new opportunity where an infrastructure company is foraying into education sector and an "Academic Counselor" (the title spelled "dignity/pride/respect) is required. It excited me. It felt as if this job and I were just looking for each other. I got through the interview and we just hit it off from there. Laying foundation of a school with young angels (LKG - VIIIth) std., an Architecture College (Ah! The Excitement, The Pressure, The Deadlines, The Sweet Sense of Success), A Music School (My love for Rock/Fusion/Indian Classical was reborn). I met some of the most amazing people in my life at this stage. Priya (My Current Boss: I have and I am learning so much for her. I bug her with my questions both personal and professional and she is always there with an answer. So much encouragement and motivation, I have got from you, Priya, Thank You), Mr. Ganesh Ram (My Super Boss: Woah! The enthusiasm, The energy and The positive attitude. I respect him!!) I made some great friends, Mukesh, Pushpa, Shwetha, Viswa, Raghav, Sujeen, Pramod, Jatan, Shyam Rao, Johanson, VijayGanesh, Jean Herve, John Gomez, Radha, Pon Prabha, Leo, Gaurav, Lunic....the list is endless (These names are in the order of which I came to know them, please dont take it otherwise. :)





LIFE IS A GAME AND "TRUTH & HONESTY" IS THE ONLY RULE!!





3. The Legal Legalities: Ok, this is something I dont want to talk much about. Chennai High Court (to file a divorce), Chennai Office of the Commissioner of Police (to file an FIR), Chapra Court (for a hearing on restitution of conjugal rights)... Pain! Confidence! "I dont care"! "I am not scared"! "Bring it on"! "I am not going to be suffering in silence"! "You asked for it, you will get it"! ----- Are some of the thoughts which made me stronger and capable of fighting for my rights with each passing day.




MY TRUE SELF!!




4. "Ullaas": No one has any clue, how much it means to me, the Cultural Committee of my Organization "Ullaas". I have been voted the Secretary, which makes it even more special. I met some of the most amazing people who have a clear understanding of the concept "Fun at Work". When I was slowly fighting the battles of my life, "Ullaas" brought my confidence back. The "Real Me" was suddenly standing in front of me, looking into my eyes. I told myself "I am back, Girl!" Hell Yeah!!




THE PAGE 3 MOMENT!!




5. Page 3: The picture says it all. Nonetheless, it was special!





Tweet! Tweet! - I CAN "TWEET-IFY" A "LOT"!!




6. Twitter Twee-Pals: 2011 saw the birth of @SunSandRain. (Though I still prefer to blog as the "The Pink Orchid";) ; Varun K Mehta, Faizal, Gurnaam Singh Sodhi, Sai_Ki_Bitiya, YaminiHasini, Neeraj Mallick, SavvyDaExplorer, Sunny_A, ShravanRN, _Vinay, Sawan, Manish0891, KP099 (Kumar), Pacificss, Jilaawatan (Inder), ShaileshKPandey, and so many more... I love reading them.. talking to them..bugging them..Each one of you mean a lot to me and I want to meet all of you someday!! Yeah!!







THE FRAGRANCE OF FREEDOM!!




7. Hyderabad: This is not just a place, this is another page in the book of my life. For the first time, in my life, I was away from home, not on a family trip, not on a school/college trip, but on a trip of my choice, where I went because I wanted to go. Thank You Viswa for making it possible. Paradise Biryani, Hyderabadi Bangles, Chaar Minar, RAC Train Travel, Endless Bus Travel and of course "Shwetha & Ra..." --- It is all going to be etched in my memory forever!








 



I guess that's about it. I have written enough and now when I look back on what I have written... I feel proud and grateful.




Thank You!!


P.S. I didnt want to repeat meeting Ms. Kiran Bedi here in this post 'coz that deserves a separate mention and it has been given its due here

Thursday, 15 December 2011

Kiran Bedi and I Ft. Dhanush and I

I met her. I have grown up listening that I should become like her and learn from her. A die hard fan, me! I couldn't stop smiling when she was finally in front of my eyes.




God of Luck has been so kind to me that not only did I get an autograph, India Today put this picture up on their website, for which I will be grateful forever.




And they have me on Headlines Today here !!



Is it a beginning of something very exciting? :) You never know....!!

Wednesday, 23 November 2011

It is Madness..

that mad rush of emotions,
that stupid thought to write every single thing and 'blog' it,
that second thought to realise it indeed is a stupid thing to write about, after all you are supposed to have moved on,
that warm feeling inside, of some old memories, still not butchered with whatever happened later,
the question of why i am wrting all this,
ok...
mr. gone forever, when you say 'bye forever', please mean it.
'bye forever' on oct 23rd, shouldnt mean 'it is madness' on oct 27th.
well, you guys are not supposed to understand what is the context of the above sentence. the whole idea is crazy and emotions are indeed stupid. they make you do crazy things, which either make you laugh at yourself or make you feel dead embarassed. this has gotta stop. i dont know how many more blog posts will get wasted/utilized on this topic before this thing is completely out of my mind..
atleast now i can say that strong emotions like love,anger,hatred are all gone or have almost faded.. all that remains is a process of acknowledging the emotions which come and go, that flickering flame before it goes off completely.
i am happy 'time' has almost completed the healing process.. i am happy i took it all very positively.. i am happy that i am creating reasons for me to be proud of.. i am happy that i am going beyond my comfort zone/hiding zone.. i am out in the sun and am ready to accept the rain/shine.
just feels like quoting the great kareena kapoor from 'jab we met' -- "haan, main apni favorite hoon!!"

Sunday, 13 November 2011

Words are just not enough sometimes..

kai baar lafz kam pad jaate hain...
badal do mere gam ki taareekh ko..
ab khushiyon ka mausam hai..
ab baarish mein dil nahi royega..
ab patjhad mein nahi hoga akelapan..
ab badlenge mausam ke maayne..
maine khud ko jo paaya hai..
duniya paayi hai..