Thursday 23 July 2015

Friends??

Statutory Warning: Negative splurges ahead. Reader's discretion is advised

Everyone is familiar with the vent spree I went on few days ago. I got messages, calls from so many of you. A lot of long lost friends got back in touch just to check if I was ok or if there is anything they can do to make me ok. Aww.. See this doesnt happen often. I am someone who goes to bed every night thinking, 'where are my friends?'. 

Where are the ones who used to hang out with me? The ones I used to fight mom for..


"I need to go on that trip mumma! I dont care if it is expensive. 
I want to go. All my friends are going."

Where are the ones who I used to lie for...just so that I get to be with them more?

"Mumma, if I don't go for this group study, I fail. I will definitely fail the exam."

Where are the ones who I used to go on long bike/car rides with? Where is the 'gedi' gang?

"Chaat, paanipuri, aalu tikki, rain, breeze, giggles, Jazzy B on the car audio, laughter"

Where are the ones who stood by me when I was low?

"Break ups, fights, tough times, ill-health, rain or shine"

Where are the ones......

Wait.. see I cant think of many things... I have always been this bird... flying from one shore to another..season after season..no long memories...no long stories (or probably too many)... but then..
look at me all grown up..with responsibilities and duties to fulfill..professionally and personally..still wondering sometimes..'Where are my friends?'

So when so many of you got back in touch.. I kind of didn't know what to do. What to share and what not to.. there is just so much to catch up on.. How will you understand what happened today when you were not there yesterday? How will you know the rain if you didnt understand the reason behind it?

I don't know how to be a friend.. I have never known.. I would never know.. For a simple reason I have never had a long time friend..or friends.. Just drizzles of emotions from people around me once in a while... at least that's how I look at it..

Where is that strong pillar or the shoulder to lean on or the 'I am here for you always' pat they define a friend with? Where is it? It is no where... 

927 'Friends' on my Facebook list... 
*smiles*

"Neha, these friendships disappear as time passes by. Don't run behind them like a shadow. Focus on your goal. You can be your biggest friend and your biggest enemy. You choose.", he said. She squirmed and replied sternly, "Dad, you just don't understand me. You don't understand your own daughter!!" He smiled, "Time will answer this for you."



Ciao!
Aparna 

Tuesday 21 July 2015

I Am Not Me

When you are not around
I am this dry leaf..
Fallen from my tree..
Waiting for my end..
In the soil..

When you are not around..
I still am all the people they need..
But I am not this one person..
I am not me..

There is just so much I am
When I am with you
But without you..
Like I said..
I am not even me..

Thursday 9 July 2015

Shadow of the Moon

I want to hold that sky in my arms..
Fill my pockets with the stars..
But..
I waited too long..
I wonder now..
Whether destiny is a thing to believe in..
I wonder now..
Whether I accept that the sky is far away
Or fight the stars..
I wonder now
Whether I steal the moon and hide
Or just stand and stare..
I wonder how far..
I can survive..
This rush of emotions..
This emptiness..
This feeling that I can reach out and touch you..
But the reality is that..
You are probably an illusion..
Just like the shadow of the moon..
In the river..