Friends??

Statutory Warning: Negative splurges ahead. Reader's discretion is advised. 

Everyone is familiar with the vent spree I went on few days ago. I got messages, calls from so many of you. A lot of long lost friends got back in touch just to check if I was ok or if there is anything they can do to make me ok. Aww.. See this doesnt happen often. I am someone who goes to bed every night thinking, 'where are my friends?'. 

Where are the ones who used to hang out with me? The ones I used to fight mom for..


"I need to go on that trip mumma! I dont care if it is expensive. 
I want to go. All my friends are going."

Where are the ones who I used to lie for...just so that I get to be with them more?

"Mumma, if I don't go for this group study, I fail. I will definitely fail the exam."

Where are the ones who I used to go on long bike/car rides with? Where is the 'gedi' gang?

"Chaat, paanipuri, aalu tikki, rain, breeze, giggles, Jazzy B on the car audio, laughter"

Where are the ones who stood by me when I was low?

"Break ups, fights, tough times, ill-health, rain or shine"

Where are the ones......

Wait.. see I cant think of many things... I have always been this bird... flying from one shore to another..season after season..no long memories...no long stories (or probably too many)... but then..
look at me all grown up..with responsibilities and duties to fulfill..professionally and personally..still wondering sometimes..'Where are my friends?'

So when so many of you got back in touch.. I kind of didn't know what to do. What to share and what not to.. there is just so much to catch up on.. How will you understand what happened today when you were not there yesterday? How will you know the rain if you didnt understand the reason behind it?

I don't know how to be a friend.. I have never known.. I would never know.. For a simple reason I have never had a long time friend..or friends.. Just drizzles of emotions from people around me once in a while... at least that's how I look at it..

Where is that strong pillar or the shoulder to lean on or the 'I am here for you always' pat they define a friend with? Where is it? It is no where... 

927 'Friends' on my Facebook list... 
*smiles*

"Neha, these friendships disappear as time passes by. Don't run behind them like a shadow. Focus on your goal. You can be your biggest friend and your biggest enemy. You choose.", he said. She squirmed and replied sternly, "Dad, you just don't understand me. You don't understand your own daughter!!" He smiled, "Time will answer this for you."



Ciao!
Aparna 

I Am Not Me

When you are not around
I am this dry leaf..
Fallen from my tree..
Waiting for my end..
In the soil..

When you are not around..
I still am all the people they need..
But I am not this one person..
I am not me..

There is just so much I am
When I am with you
But without you..
Like I said..
I am not even me..

Shadow of the Moon

I want to hold that sky in my arms..
Fill my pockets with the stars..
But..
I waited too long..
I wonder now..
Whether destiny is a thing to believe in..

I wonder now..
Whether I accept that the sky is far away
Or fight the stars..

I wonder now
Whether I steal the moon and hide
Or just stand and stare..

I wonder how far..
I can survive..
This rush of emotions..
This emptiness..
This feeling that I can reach out and touch you..
But the reality is that..
You are probably an illusion..
Just like the shadow of the moon..
In the river..

Few More Drops of Love..

I haven't been able to write from sometime now but have so much to tell..

"Few words unsaid,
Few emotions unfelt,
Came trickling down from heaven,
To my heart,
Slow like tear drops,
Fast like a storm"

The confidence of clarity,
The assurance of self esteem,
The power of self worth..
It is all coming back..

"I am the most important person in my life " - I am coming face to face with this fact more often..

"Doosro'n Ki jai se pehle,
Khud Ki jai karo"..

In the end..a continuation from the " Two Drops of Love" series..

"You trust so easily, you fool!", he said, looking deep into her tearful eyes. His words were a mix of anger, honest care and a strong emotion he couldn't put a name to yet. But that emotion was giving him that 16-year-old-feeling with each passing day. She looked back and smiled at her own reflection in those eyes, sighed and hugged him. His heartbeat kept spelling her name through the night.

Be Careful..

She dreamt to be a rose,
But became a thorn instead..
Be careful..
She can draw blood

Two Drops of Love..

The rain stopped on his eyelashes and she got all drenched.

***

They fought the biggest fights but they always knew they will end up together.. May be they didn't.

***
He opened the door for her and pulled the chair. The promise of a happy life sparkled in the champagne glass. A dream came true.

***
There was a big crowd of people around and a lot of noise but only until their eyes met.

***

She found a love message in her daughter's mobile. In her old book, a rose dried a little more.

***

He was not answering her calls. She was furious.
The door bell rang. It must be him.
'I'm going to kill him', she murmured to herself.
He was right there....wrapped in the flag. She will never forgive herself..

***

Happy Mother's Day

She doesn't know,
What it's like,
Being comforted,
Being hugged selflessly..

She doesn't know,
What's it's like,
To have hot cup of coffee,
Waiting for her,
When she had to be up all night,
Studying..

She doesn't know,
What it's like,
To have someone she could run to,
When he left her,
And her world came crashing down..

She didn't know
Unconditional love..
The love of a mother..

You are blessed if she is right in front of your eyes..

Happy Mother's Day..