Tuesday 30 October 2012

Trust vs Acceptance and Some Random Realizations

What is Trust? Is it expecting a commitment from him of following the rules set by you? "The ideal rules of being in a relationship"? Do you suddenly control their past, present and future, since they are committed to you? Do you control their thoughts and communications? Do you tie them to you? What is this trust? Why is this called the foundation of any relationship?
Trust, to me, sounds more like a business agreement. You doing a forgery and mishandling the accounts is a breach of trust in professional terms or not following the terms of a contract is a breach of trust. But why is this word so often used when it comes to relationships? What do you want from someone when you tell them that you trust them? Exactly what happens after that? They still continue to be who they are and not the entire 100 percent of the person that they are might be falling under your definition of being trust worthy.
So the next question is why trust? Trust is a heavy duty word which once broken leaves you completely off guard. You either don't trust again and become suspicious (Read "spy like") or you trust again and somehow get hurt again because no one can change their true nature just for you. Your definition of "trust" could be as extreme as him sitting next to a girl in a local train where that's the only seat left is a breach of trust or something as realistic as he having an extra marital affair, or being an infidel to be precise will make you not trust him again.
Ask yourself? Why did you choose him in the first place? Its because you love him or its because you want to be with him as long as he loves you? And what is this so called love by the way? Physical, emotional, psychological, financial? What is it? What is love?  Providing financial security? Making her feel emotionally secure? Psychological support? Satisfying physical needs? Looking good for her? Providing luxuries of life? Or a mix of all of the above? Or is it the restlessness you feel when you are not with him? Is it love if you feel that he is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with?
And then what happens one day if one of the above conditions fall weak? What if he lies because he doesn't wanna hurt you? What if he was lured into a party where something "not so nice" happened? What if suddenly you are not good enough for him or he feels that he deserves better? What if he still lives his life with you but only one part of his dual life belongs to you? What if he has friends you are suspicious about? What if your suspicions are true?
Do you start feeling burdened by this word "trust"?  Do you have the energy to spy on him? Do you want to irritate him by asking 100 questions about everything he does or says? Do you want to doom your relationship?
I have a better word than "trust". I call it acceptance. You love him. You accept him with all his flaws and merits. You accept him with all his charms. The charms that might be working its magic on 10 other damsels. Don't be worried. If you are his family, if he comes home to you and if that's making you happy then that is love. The cliched statement that says "If you love him, set him free, if he comes back to you he was yours, if not he never was". It is the mantra for people in love, for people who want a peaceful relationship.
Expectations would never go. But all of them might not be fulfilled. Don't let fulfillment/non-fulfillment of small expectations decide the future of your relationship.
Now the most important question. What if he clearly becomes an infidel the moment you express that you are going to accept every aspect of him, good or bad, pleasant or hurtful? Well, the answer is very simple. What made you think that he is going to remain loyal just because you have told him you trust him? Words make no difference. He will do his own things irrespective of what you think or say. Its upto him to remain loyal or disloyal to you. But its upto you to get hurt or not.


Found a few ashes,
Of known unknown faces,
Buried in my backyard,
Hidden from my eyes..


It was important,
It was "my" backyard,
Where I was sowing,
The dreams of tomorrows.


Now it stinks,
Feels unpleasant,
I have covered it,
With fresh mud,
With a layer of grass,
Green and fresh,


After all,
It was and is,
My backyard,
At least now it is..


"I saw myself in his eyes,
With every passing moment,
And suddenly I got lost,
One day.


I was searching for myself,
Hopelessly, frantically,
Then,
I could find my shadow,
Behind a crowd of many,
In his eyes.


Now I wonder,
Whether I would see myself,
Glowing and beaming,
In those eyes again,
Or will I just keep lurking behind,
As a shadow,
As a proof that, yes,
There I was,
The only one.
There I am,
Lost, nowhere to be found.


But I would never stop looking,
And may be one day again,
I will find,
Myself,
In those eyes"


P.S. On a totally unrelated note, I totally hate people trying to communicate indirectly with me. Hate is a strong word. Let's say it is unpleasant. If I am talking to you, you might as well reply to me. If not then let me know what makes me so unworthy of a direct feedback. I guess I have spoken too much. But it was just a random self realization. "Till now what was an honest appreciation could just become a fake smile. Time changes like that."

1 comment:

Shravan RN said...

i am not going to comment anything about the post, but rather appreciate the way you communicate a world in simple words. <3 that !