Why Dont I Wake Up Early?

So now we have come down to one post a month? And what has brought this post up? A video. A video which did not load because of an internet speed which is waiting for the new billing cycle to start in spite of the bill being paid before time. (Some logic I say!). Anyways, the video is about "how to wake up early?" by the bestselling author Mr. Robin Sharma.

 

So like you would have guessed by now, I did not get to see the video but nonetheless the title of the video got me thinking. My question to myself is "Why Don't I Wake Up Early?". Let's think. Why don't I? Why have I never got up early unless there are 'life & death' situations like board exams I didn't prepare for? Should we get down to listing down reasons why I never got up early till today morning err.... afternoon.. mmm...late afternoon. ;)

 

1. Sleeping early? Early? Never early. I sleep late at night or to be precise I sleep very early in the morning. By 3:00 am; 4:00 am, or 5:00 am sometimes 6:30 am. Is there a typographical error in this statement? Nope. I sleep at a time when I should be getting up.
2. Why do I sleep so late or not sleep at all? All the thinking. Sometimes self generated. Sometimes thanks to loading/not loading of the FB and twitter timelines. Thanks to the iPhone never leaving my side. Technology never lets you sleep. It leaves you curious. Hungry for more. It leaves you refreshing the webpage every 10 seconds. I am one of those honored souls who complain at 2:30 am that the timeline is reallyyyyyy slow.
3. Other times, its a book. Some hell-of-a book not letting me sleep. A thought provoking write up. A work so interesting that I prefer going till the last page than to shut my eyes and go to sleep.
4. Thinking. Well I cannot leave this point unexplained. One of the major reasons why I lose sleep  is that I think a LOT. Chain of thoughts sometimes lead me to such negative zones that I find it difficult to come back without losing sleep for a couple of days.
5. Mornings. This is something worth imagining. Sometimes I do sleep in time. 10:00 pm sharp. Then what happens. There is also an alarm for 6:00 am (perfection galore) but then... The alarm goes sharp at 6:00 am and I snooze it for a while and dismiss it after a while. I ask myself what do I have to do getting up so early. My mind screams out loud - Nothing. So there we go. I doze off even before the fan takes into the next round. zzZZZ.
6. Baby! Baby! Baby! No not the Justin Bieber Song. A point. A valid point. The most beautiful point. And I will do anything for my small packet of joy. Losing sleep is the least I could do for this wonderful addition to our lives.

So I conclude that people who get up early are the ones with 'Purpose'. For anybody to get up as planned should have an agenda for the day. Simple reason why I used to get up for exam preparations was to prepare for the exams. (Duh!) My day should have a schedule as tight as if I wish to squeeze more life out of each day. I need to get up to live, to have a dream and to achieve it. Day dreaming is not helping me. What I am fascinated by is the outcome of hardwork. But where is the hardwork for me to have the necessary outcomes? Where is the spark? The shine? The purpose? Its time to think right. Its time to sleep in time. Its time to wake up early. And in Mr. Sharma's words.... Its time to join the 5 am club.

 

The clock is ticking,

Cheers.

The Pink Orchid

 

 P.S. Do you get up early? How?????
You don't get up early? Why???

 

 

 

 

 

Words Fail Me..

I don't know if I mentioned in the previous post that Sept 23 - 26, 2012, my first foreign trip took place. (Destination - Bangkok, Pattaya). The place is fun, bright and colourful and it was very special as it was my first. Also I didn't know that International Flights have an extra central row.
On a totally different note I'd want to mention a few things I have realized about me off late:
1. I am basically a homely person. There's nothing like keeping the house in order, cleaning, cooking and yeah being independent is a god-damn feeling.
2. I can be on the two extremes of care. Loving: I could give out my favorites just to see the other one smile. Indifferent: Oh! I could drop you from being a friend to a complete stranger in no time. So you better not get on my wrong side.
3. I bother the least about what people think about the stuff that I do or the things and people who are related to me. If I'm comfortable and I'm able to act responsible, if I'm convinced. Its more than enough!
4. I lose focus sometimes. I forget my interests, my passion, my dreams for something immaterial. But not all the time. Looking at the current state of my being I'm more or less sorted, except my bedroom is in a total mess right now. See, I told you!
5. I might not be religious but I'm a believer. I like to believe that I'm created by the almighty and He gives me strength. He would stand by me even if the whole world fails me, as long as I believe in myself.
6. I have not been writing quite often, the way I used to before. The reason could be (I'd be honest) the decreasing readership. But I guess it shouldn't stop me from expressing. I shouldn't forget that I started writing for myself.
7. I will die an old happy woman. I have a strong feeling about that.
8. I don't know why I'm mentioning it but I am gonna start gymming from tomorrow. God bless me!!
9. The more I'm sitting and writing here, the more this fact is haunting in the back of my mind that I have a lot of clothes to wash!
10. I had a lot to write I guess but then the chicken in the kitchen will burn if I don't run now. And yes this post is as random as it gets.
Smiles and Sunshine,
The Pink Orchid.
_______________________________________
You told me yesterday,
That my words don't make sense anymore,
To quote you, "they are not interesting",
And that has left me thinking,
Thinking as to what happened.
May be my words expressed,
To be heard,
To search for someone who could, Understand.
I wrote like madness,
Poured my heart out.
 And then I found you.
You heard me,
You understood me,
And you kept me close to your heart,
I found my abode.
Now my words don't interest me too.
I hardly need to express,
Because what I feel,
Can be seen in your eyes.
I think words are failing me now,
And I guess I don't mind..
I know you have read it all..
My expressions,
My words,
And Me!

The Story of A Fat Girl

Once upon a time there used to be a fat girl. She was not fat since birth. In fact this girl was the talk of the town because of the way she looked, in other words, S.T.U.N.N.I.N.G!! She was extremely active. Dance was her passion. In fact her parents used to wonder if she'd make a career out of it. She used to spend hours dancing in front of the mirror or just looking at herself. She was proud of herself. And then one fine day, she won a cash prize of Rs. 7500/- for winning a state level oratorical competition, that was the moment she felt the joy of earning and in no time "spending". She developed a love for "butter chicken", "chicken manchurian". In a flash, all the money was spent on junk food. Money was gone but an addiction to fried spicy food was now a part of her being. Pocket money became the need of the hour. Dance was replaced by eating chips and watching TV sitting on the couch for hours, sometimes from sunrise to sunset. The lady was studying in XIIth std then and weighed 47 Kgs.

Years passed by. Initially it was magical. Nothing happened in terms of inches or pounds. But not for long. All the butter started to settle under her skin. Clothes got uncomfortable. Wardrobe kept changing. She started growing up and growing broad, literally. Life went through ups and downs - Academics, competitions, friends, relationships, family, finance all the issues that an indian teenager faces. Eating was soon connected to emotions. Happy? Eat chicken. Lonely? Order pizza with extra cheese. Sad? Guzzle a lot of chips with a chilled bottle of thumbs-up.

Now she is 25 years old and weighs 86.5 Kgs. Life has not been kind to her and continues to do so. Everyday there are at least 20 remarks on how fat she is. Her old (read SLIM) pictures (Facebook) are commented as being someone else's. Her new (read FAT) pictures (Facebook) have a lot of mockery and little or no appreciation. People who care for her provide her tips on how to lose weight and how important it is to do so. Currently, she can't afford a gym. Even if she would be able to afford it in future, the way she has become, she won't hit the gym until and unless it is upstairs or next door.

But then she knows that she is a beautiful person inside. She cares for people around her. She laughs a lot and is extremely understanding. And today when she looked at herself in the mirror, she felt proud and thrilled. Not because she looked any different than how she looks off late. Just because she had no logical answer to what she asked herself "What's stopping you from bringing back the Real You?". All she could utter was....

...Its a new day,
It could be a new start
Its never too late
To listen to your heart.

And yeah she winked at her reflection in the mirror and blew a flying kiss. The princess was back!!

Its The Choices That I Make

Its a complete rant post. Uninterested individuals should stop reading NOW. Off late, I have been thinking whether hanging out with blessed (read RICH) people gets you discouraged about the life you are leading or gets you aspiring for more. There are people who are talking of buying houses where you could buy only a teddy bear conveniently. Does a social divide exist? Does being richer earn you respect in people's eyes? Or is it your work? Or is it about the choices you make? I personally feel it is about the choices you make. People tend to enter the maddening race of competition to ensure there are people around him/her feeling jealous of them and sorry for themselves. And few people do it because they want a comfortable life. Would I want to show off when I am rich? Would I talk only in terms of 5 star hotels, top of the line clubs, diamonds and imported cars? Now when I am thinking, it actually seems funny. I might turn out to be the most nosy snobbish person around (ok let's not be so mean to me but I'd love to show off a little). I'm sure its a great feeling when someone's pupils get dilated or jaw drops after listening to how well off you are. Or would I just be happy with the fact that I have a better life and I have worked hard for it?

In the last one and a half years, I have really learnt the meaning of the word "struggle" - counting pennies, making choices. Its when you start earning that you realize that you can't have everything. And I have accepted my pocket's capability. I am not making the right choices I am sure. But I can see myself using this phrase more often --- "I don't think I can afford it". I can see myself not going weak when my bank balance reads "Rs. 1800" (and no, I didn't miss out on a zero. It is Rupees One Thousand Eight Hundred Only as on 26th May 2012 and 14 days to survive in a city without family, not a difficult task I must say). Why am I writing about this? Because this is the rough patch I would want to remember and smile. This is the reminder of certain wrong financial decisions made or may be to re-look at the source of income. It is a wake-up call about evaluation of my skills and its worth. It is a lesson that money can buy almost everything, happiness and peace too. I would want to remember this time as a proud moment when I didn't enter the trap of debt/credit/loan from known/unknown people just because it is the easiest way out.

Also at this moment I would like to tell myself ---- "Go girl, make all the mistakes in the world. This life can be lived just once. Make it as much fun as possible. Don't let others de-motivate you, judge you or pull you down. Undoubtedly, you are a strong woman who is very balanced, mature and sensitive. Don't let the world make you think otherwise. Live each day. Live for yourself. Trust me, you are the most important person in your life and you are answerable to yourself only. Who gets to stay or thrown out of your life is a completely personal choice that you have to make. And no one, trust me no one should have any say in this regard. Let people waste their time discussing or gossiping about you. It just for you to realize that neither these people nor their opinions is worth a penny. Also I would never get tired of saying this ---- Girl, I Am Proud Of You!!!"

Let Life Happen..Shall We?

Off late I have been running away from myself, for a simple fact that a lot has been happening that I have not been able to comprehend, I thought it was better to give myself some time. Thats what I did. So that explains the long gap from blogging( one week is a long gap when you have been writing daily).
And the fingers stop on the keyboard again. I am wondering how do I write what I feel because right now it is a plethora of emotions. There is sorrow, pain, joy, thrill, a void, a smile, silence and unbelievable noise. I know I am ranting, nonsensical stuff. How I wish I was able to make sense of whats happening with me right now.
Now I guess I am just going to type away to glory:




- Can you be in love with two people at the same time? If yes, how do you justify this as fair. If no, how do you know which one is the "love" you have always dreamt of? How do you pacify the hurt caused by someone/something who has been there in your life for just 4 weeks? He never existed before that and now, after this whole "its-bye-for-good" conversation, do people just forget everything? Is it going to be awkward after this? Painful to find him not looking at me? Angry to find out that things are different now? Disappointed by the fact that something so beautiful has come to an end. But I know this one thing, I am very bad at half-hearted stuff.Its either everything or nothing. I have not learnt to fake. If I fake I would be hurt. Yeah right! Got to open my eyes and smell the coffee (quoting "the man"). So like I had said, its time to lock away the memories (throwing the "heart of the ocean" back in the ocean). If this is what you wanted then this is what it is. "MoViNg On!!!!!!!"



- What I am about to write now, actually deserves a separate post, but then I guess the chain of thoughts have to be provided with some justice as well. May 2008 "then" AKS and AMBER came to life out of no-where. She hardly knew that her shadow is breathing in a life form and he was unaware that her reason for living is about to come brush his eyelashes and place few heavenly dreams on them. Life did what it is known for, being a roller coaster ride. Thats what it has been from May 2008 to May 2012; 4 Years of thrill/trauma/pain/joy/words/meaning/life/death/then life again. (we will talk about this "joy" ride in detail soon). After 4 years, they meet again and it was as if nothing has changed, as if time had frozen and now all of a sudden the sun is shining bright in the sky, shocking the eye and melting the frozen time. Surprisingly...AKS Sings...AMBER smiles...Again.. I am not going to shell out any forecasts because it will be stupid. Fools are those beings, who think life is in the future. Life is happening now.. This second..The needles of your watch ticking away are asking you "Dude, arent you forgetting something? Yes you are.. you are forgetting to live.." I have learnt this the hard way that "Life is Happening NOW, at this very moment".
All I should say at this point of time is I am letting life happen to me.. fresh air in my lungs, arms wide open, a smile on my lips, dreams in my eyes, a song on my mind. Lets just reiterate..."They meet again.. but then.. it is just the beginning".

The Not So Interesting Post

"My mind starts thinking and I start typing, just to let myself know that I'm not alone. I have my words with me. - Me"

Good things are happening. Slowly, very slowly I am building my identity in my own eyes. My confidence is on an all time high. I'm getting to be sure of myself with each passing day. Yesterdays don't scare me anymore.

Meeting new people with different perspectives and displays of "smartness",
getting to know more about the old ones around,
learning from them,
all things good and bad,
just to know what should or should not be done.

Now that you know this post doesn't hold a great promise of being interesting - "stop reading" because I'm planning to rant a LITTLE more..

Before I forget, I want to thank everybody who took time out to read my previous post. 410 page views till now feels great!!

Also, always empathize and never criticize someone in public. It could lead to a major downfall in the motivation levels of the receiver. Not only that, you would be remembered for all the wrong reasons. How you make someone feel goes a long way in how that someone is going to perceive you in future. Also your work should speak for you, not your words, not your designation and definitely not your money. You must be wondering "Why this dose of wisdom?". To that I'd say "one should learn from one's own mistakes and also from the mistakes of people around them" - the formula of 'buy 1, get 1 free'.

I'd end here. Am I feeling better? Yes!! Have I written something interesting? No!! Do I care?? Hell No!!

Where My Roots Are..

My "real" tryst with nature goes back to my childhood days, when I was not me, when I was just my granny's little grand-daughter. Dad used to take us to granny's village for holidays. No electricity. No concrete roads.

My village, where morning is welcomed by gurgling and coughing oldies, creeching sound of the hand-pump, infants crying and cattle clinking their bells.

My village, where there are no regular toilets. You have to relieve yourself in the open and yes, the infamous "lotaa" system still prevails. Only that you could take an empty "lotaa" along, as there is a river flowing nearby. Ladies go there early morning in the dark so that no body sees them but still, to be on a safer side, they sit there with their faces covered, because they know that no one can recognize them from their behind.

My village, where there are no amusement parks, computer games or internet. The young girls and boys bring a lot of mud from the riverside and make their own toys. When their fathers are toiling hard in the fields, they play with marbles, or go fishing in the pond where an earthworm or kneaded flour acts as a bait.

My village, where kids go to a school where there are no benches or chairs, where they take their own sacks, to sit on and study. The school, where they sing along with "Master ji" chanting mathematical tables.

My village, where "nuclear families" don't exist. It is all joint. Food, fields, cattle, family, justice, income, everything.

My village, where there are no fans but it is always breezy in the lobby, or at the cot under the banyan tree, or by the river side.

My village, where there are no theatres but there is nothing more entertaining than two mother-in-laws discussing their good-for-nothing daughter-in-laws and vice versa.

My village, where no man apart from the husband could see the new bride's face for at least a year. She should always cover her head in a "ghoonghat" (veil).

My village, where there are no bathrooms or kitchen sinks, so the dishes are done, clothes are washed, bath is taken, all by the river.

My village, doesn't have elite rich inhabitants, but if there is a wedding, then all kitchens are shut down, as every single soul is invited for the "bhoj" (feast).

My village, where there are no marble/wooden floors which could be cleaned using floor-cleaning solutions. Here the mud floor is cleaned by a mix of mud and cow dung and no matter how unimaginable it sounds, once cleaned, the house smells like heaven.

My village, where there are no study lamps, where a bunch of kids gather around a kerosene lamp to study in the evening, while the mothers cook and fathers gossip about how the day was spent in the fields.

My village, where there are no DJs for family functions or get-togethers, but the ladies do not miss a chance to sing the traditional folk songs. The ladies who are totally unaware of the fact that their traditional songs are being proudly remixed and sold in the cities.

My village, where only few people have TVs, but their doors are always open for the entire village when there is an important match or if its "Sri Krishna", "Ramayana" or "The Mahabharata" time.

My village, where there are no air-conditioners or cozy mattresses, but where sleep is totally addictive on a bare cot made out of jute ropes because each and every soul has earned their siesta due to the day's hard work.

My village, which is far behind our comfortable living standards of the city, but where minds are at peace, faces are shining and kids are smiling. My village, where there is no mad rush, no cut-throat competition, no opportunistic behavior, no reason to be fake. My village where no one judges you based on what you wear, or how you look.

My village, where people are happy because they own all the things, money can't buy.

My village...

I miss those days. I miss those sunrises and sunsets. I miss my granny's bedtime stories where all of them used to end on one note "victory of good over evil". I miss being so close to myself.

For me, it doesn't get more real than this. My village is my tryst with nature and reality. My village where less is more, where my roots are, where I am.

Yes I Am Fat...Bite Me!!

Right now, my facebook status reads this --- "I am fat. I eat a lot. I sleep less and get up till late. I am online all the time. I am just a girl who gets lonely and is running away from her own self. I am not able to put my mind to one thing. I want to look pretty in the pics. Everytime I upload a pic, I know what the comments are going to be. Inside and out, I am a big bundle of mess. But still I am glad I didn't give up, when time was rough on me. I am smiling now. Soon I will mean it too. I know.."

I am not trying to be defensive. But even if I am fat, it doesn't mean I eat all that much. Or even if I hog a lot of food, may be because I am still emotionally low sometimes and want to fill that gap by eating. I know it doesn't help but still. At least I am not sitting everyday with a can of beer and fried chicken. I mean you don't take a second to comment, to remark, the moment I take a plate to serve food for myself or the moment there is a discussion in which food is involved. The moment the word "chicken"/"KFC" is uttered, the discussion suddenly becomes about me. I upload a year old pic on FB, the comment is not about how nice that pic is but it is about how fat I am now. This treatment is eating me up so bad that now I avoid meeting old friends.

I know a lot of people are going to get offended reading this. May be my tone is not correct. May be I should just make it clear in front of people, on their faces, that "enough is enough". You are making me conscious, everytime I am eating in public. This blog post doesn't make any sense when I don't have the heart to tell people that even if I am laughing off that joke on fat people (meant only for me), something is cracking inside my heart. My smile is drooping into an upset curve.

Yeah I am not getting up in the morning. Yes I am not working out or going for a walk. Yes I am not cutting down on fried snacks/spicy food. So? Bite me!

This post is basically written to tell myself ----"Listen, you don't care!! You just don't care!! You build your own standards and live upto them!! 'Coz that's what matters at the end of the day!! So forget everything, and laugh on that "fat girl" joke along with everyone else but this time your heart should smile too. You don't need too many people to say/feel that you are pretty inside and this fat is just a phase. If you know it girl, its enough! It is enough! Muaaaaaah!"

Love,
To Me from Me :)
I am proud of you girl! (Note To Self)

Year 2011 - I Lost A Pebble, But Found A Treasure!!

This is a common phenomenon in the lives of all the bloggers (well, most of them) that they treat this last week of the calender year as a time where they reflect on the year that went by. I am no different. Its just that I want to look back to analyze where I was then (2010 last week) and where I am now. Writing this post is already making me aware that there is going to be zero readership for this one. But I have to write this. I owe this to myself.

Writing in points is better... (disagree? Jump off a bridge!!)

In the year 2011:

I WAS BROKEN BUT WAS NOT READY TO GIVE UP!!

1. I never gave up: I didnt give up, when I could have, that too, very easily. I had come home in December 2010. And it is never a good thing for an Indian Family when the "married daughter" comes back to their parent's home ever, for good. Yes...It happened. I did come back and I wouldnt want to get into the "Hows and Whys" of it. When relationships end, no matter how big or small, it is always painful. It was for me too. In my case it ensured that I am hospitalized (for the first time ever in my life). I was broken mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, internally and externally. But then could I just hide myself in the confinements of four walls.. No! I couldnt have! I had to move on, no matter how difficult, no matter how impossible. I did. I got back to my previous job. People were kind. No questions were asked. They were kind and they understood.

THE SMILE WAS RETURNING, SLOWLY!!

2. From "Counselor" to "Academic Counselor": Someone at my workplace knew that I am not happy with what I am doing. It was limited. It was just front desk sales - "Convincing people to Think CAT - Think TIME". I was unhappy. I quit. (Even though I left, few people will always be remebered and cherished "Balaji Partibhan, Nivethitha, Vidhya, Girijia Ma'am, Jagan Subburam, Mark North) Just like that. I needed more. Then I came to know of this new opportunity where an infrastructure company is foraying into education sector and an "Academic Counselor" (the title spelled "dignity/pride/respect) is required. It excited me. It felt as if this job and I were just looking for each other. I got through the interview and we just hit it off from there. Laying foundation of a school with young angels (LKG - VIIIth) std., an Architecture College (Ah! The Excitement, The Pressure, The Deadlines, The Sweet Sense of Success), A Music School (My love for Rock/Fusion/Indian Classical was reborn). I met some of the most amazing people in my life at this stage. Priya (My Current Boss: I have and I am learning so much for her. I bug her with my questions both personal and professional and she is always there with an answer. So much encouragement and motivation, I have got from you, Priya, Thank You), Mr. Ganesh Ram (My Super Boss: Woah! The enthusiasm, The energy and The positive attitude. I respect him!!) I made some great friends, Mukesh, Pushpa, Shwetha, Viswa, Raghav, Sujeen, Pramod, Jatan, Shyam Rao, Johanson, VijayGanesh, Jean Herve, John Gomez, Radha, Pon Prabha, Leo, Gaurav, Lunic....the list is endless (These names are in the order of which I came to know them, please dont take it otherwise. :)

LIFE IS A GAME AND "TRUTH & HONESTY" IS THE ONLY RULE!!

3. The Legal Legalities: Ok, this is something I dont want to talk much about. Chennai High Court (to file a divorce), Chennai Office of the Commissioner of Police (to file an FIR), Chapra Court (for a hearing on restitution of conjugal rights)... Pain! Confidence! "I dont care"! "I am not scared"! "Bring it on"! "I am not going to be suffering in silence"! "You asked for it, you will get it"! ----- Are some of the thoughts which made me stronger and capable of fighting for my rights with each passing day.

MY TRUE SELF!!

4. "Ullaas": No one has any clue, how much it means to me, the Cultural Committee of my Organization "Ullaas". I have been voted the Secretary, which makes it even more special. I met some of the most amazing people who have a clear understanding of the concept "Fun at Work". When I was slowly fighting the battles of my life, "Ullaas" brought my confidence back. The "Real Me" was suddenly standing in front of me, looking into my eyes. I told myself "I am back, Girl!" Hell Yeah!!

THE PAGE 3 MOMENT!!

5. Page 3: The picture says it all. Nonetheless, it was special!

Tweet! Tweet! - I CAN "TWEET-IFY" A "LOT"!!

6. Twitter Twee-Pals: 2011 saw the birth of @SunSandRain. (Though I still prefer to blog as the "The Pink Orchid";) ; Varun K Mehta, Faizal, Gurnaam Singh Sodhi, Sai_Ki_Bitiya, YaminiHasini, Neeraj Mallick, SavvyDaExplorer, Sunny_A, ShravanRN, _Vinay, Sawan, Manish0891, KP099 (Kumar), Pacificss, Jilaawatan (Inder), ShaileshKPandey, and so many more... I love reading them.. talking to them..bugging them..Each one of you mean a lot to me and I want to meet all of you someday!! Yeah!!

THE FRAGRANCE OF FREEDOM!!

7. Hyderabad: This is not just a place, this is another page in the book of my life. For the first time, in my life, I was away from home, not on a family trip, not on a school/college trip, but on a trip of my choice, where I went because I wanted to go. Thank You Viswa for making it possible. Paradise Biryani, Hyderabadi Bangles, Chaar Minar, RAC Train Travel, Endless Bus Travel and of course "Shwetha & Ra..." --- It is all going to be etched in my memory forever!

 

I guess that's about it. I have written enough and now when I look back on what I have written... I feel proud and grateful.

Thank You!!

P.S. I didnt want to repeat meeting Ms. Kiran Bedi here in this post 'coz that deserves a separate mention and it has been given its due here

Kiran Bedi and I Ft. Dhanush and I

I met her. I have grown up listening that I should become like her and learn from her. A die hard fan, me! I couldn't stop smiling when she was finally in front of my eyes.

God of Luck has been so kind to me that not only did I get an autograph, India Today put this picture up on their website, for which I will be grateful forever.

And they have me on Headlines Today here !!

Is it a beginning of something very exciting? :) You never know....!!

It is Madness..

that mad rush of emotions,

that stupid thought to write every single thing and 'blog' it,

that second thought to realise it indeed is a stupid thing to write about, after all you are supposed to have moved on,

that warm feeling inside, of some old memories, still not butchered with whatever happened later,

the question of why i am wrting all this,

ok...

mr. gone forever, when you say 'bye forever', please mean it.

'bye forever' on oct 23rd, shouldnt mean 'it is madness' on oct 27th.

well, you guys are not supposed to understand what is the context of the above sentence. the whole idea is crazy and emotions are indeed stupid. they make you do crazy things, which either make you laugh at yourself or make you feel dead embarassed. this has gotta stop. i dont know how many more blog posts will get wasted/utilized on this topic before this thing is completely out of my mind..

atleast now i can say that strong emotions like love,anger,hatred are all gone or have almost faded.. all that remains is a process of acknowledging the emotions which come and go, that flickering flame before it goes off completely.

i am happy 'time' has almost completed the healing process.. i am happy i took it all very positively.. i am happy that i am creating reasons for me to be proud of.. i am happy that i am going beyond my comfort zone/hiding zone.. i am out in the sun and am ready to accept the rain/shine.

just feels like quoting the great kareena kapoor from 'jab we met' -- "haan, main apni favorite hoon!!"

Words are just not enough sometimes..

kai baar lafz kam pad jaate hain...

badal do mere gam ki taareekh ko..

ab khushiyon ka mausam hai..

ab baarish mein dil nahi royega..

ab patjhad mein nahi hoga akelapan..

ab badlenge mausam ke maayne..

maine khud ko jo paaya hai..

duniya paayi hai..