The Friend in Me

Matching dance steps,
Pictures clicked,
Gleaming with joy,
Loads of messages,
Hours of calls, 
Laughing till your eyes tear up,
Secret jokes,
Mysterious humour,
Selfless appreciation,
Leg-pulling and of being un-hurt, 
Eager wait for the next meet up...

All these facets,
Of friendship and togetherness,
Leave me uneasy, unhappy and quiet. 
It's strange unfamiliar territory. 
Either it takes a lot to be,
Or may be,
I don't have a friend in me.

And The Smile is Back

It has been long since I wrote something positive or thought anything positive. Something that could bring a smile on my face. My question is what is my worry about? Failure to control? Failure to trust? Failure to stop expecting? What if I delete all these things from my life? Why do I have to control or expect? When it comes to trust, well, the lack of it is only going to burn me inside? My inability of not saying what I want to say, when I want to say it? Got to work on myself a bit. LOL! Not a bit, quite a lot. My peace! My space! My happiness! When Where and How?

Now that was the most mundane introduction to an even more mundane post that is coming up. I am literally pushing myself to write this and I am writing exactly in the speed of my thought flow. It has been 28 days since my C-Section. Stitches are yet to heal and the pain remains but I do not want to get imprisoned by my health. Not compromising even a bit with the baby's needs and "demands". Apart from that all the household work that I am able to do, I am doing. Mommy is a great great help. I dont know if anyone understands her but I have never seen a more selfless person than her. All that makes her really bloom is a little bit of appreciation for ALL that she does. The baby is continuing to be his brave self. Braving treatment, injections, tests, vaccinations and what not. I wonder if these are good or bad times to be born in the 21st century. We are more health prone but then again dependent on injection pricks and medication drips/oral insertion for every darn thing. 

Today our hearts almost broke when we saw blood being drawn from his delicate little arm for certain tests. Felt that strong emotion that parents feel when your child is suffering. The Baby couldn't even express how scared or how much in pain he was. He

screamed. He wailed, drawing tears from all our eyes. But then again the moment he was in our laps, he got quiet as if he knew we will take care of him and no one can hurt him. He knew he is safe now.

I have got hold of this amazing book "I'm Pregnant, Not Terminally Ill, You Idiot!" by Lalita Iyer. (Not hyperlinking, Google if you want to know more, You lazy cutenesses!). Came across this book on twitter while celebrity-account hopping. This book looks really interesting and I will be able to relate to it the most since I have experienced motherhood quite recently. In fact I cant start to read through the moment I end this post which I just noticed has gone beyond the average length of my recent posts. 

Okay now, coming back to my first baby, my better half, my hubby dearest. I am not going to say much to let eyebrows be raised or get a "WTH" from him. All I want to say here is how much does it take to stop spoiling what is so beautiful and exceedingly special. The love can not be denied and even the endless efforts that we keep doing to prove otherwise can not be denied too. But that is not the point. The point is that I want to be happy. He is the reason of my happiness, no matter how philosophy beats upon the authenticity of the exact opposite. I am going to advocate more smiles and less tears. Reduce the things which lead to futile efforts on correction (so called). I am (I repeat) going to be happy and will do anything that it takes. 

Phew! Now this is a positive post. 

With her cheerful smile

The Pink Orchid 

Words Fail Me..

I don't know if I mentioned in the previous post that Sept 23 - 26, 2012, my first foreign trip took place. (Destination - Bangkok, Pattaya). The place is fun, bright and colourful and it was very special as it was my first. Also I didn't know that International Flights have an extra central row.
On a totally different note I'd want to mention a few things I have realized about me off late:
1. I am basically a homely person. There's nothing like keeping the house in order, cleaning, cooking and yeah being independent is a god-damn feeling.
2. I can be on the two extremes of care. Loving: I could give out my favorites just to see the other one smile. Indifferent: Oh! I could drop you from being a friend to a complete stranger in no time. So you better not get on my wrong side.
3. I bother the least about what people think about the stuff that I do or the things and people who are related to me. If I'm comfortable and I'm able to act responsible, if I'm convinced. Its more than enough!
4. I lose focus sometimes. I forget my interests, my passion, my dreams for something immaterial. But not all the time. Looking at the current state of my being I'm more or less sorted, except my bedroom is in a total mess right now. See, I told you!
5. I might not be religious but I'm a believer. I like to believe that I'm created by the almighty and He gives me strength. He would stand by me even if the whole world fails me, as long as I believe in myself.
6. I have not been writing quite often, the way I used to before. The reason could be (I'd be honest) the decreasing readership. But I guess it shouldn't stop me from expressing. I shouldn't forget that I started writing for myself.
7. I will die an old happy woman. I have a strong feeling about that.
8. I don't know why I'm mentioning it but I am gonna start gymming from tomorrow. God bless me!!
9. The more I'm sitting and writing here, the more this fact is haunting in the back of my mind that I have a lot of clothes to wash!
10. I had a lot to write I guess but then the chicken in the kitchen will burn if I don't run now. And yes this post is as random as it gets.
Smiles and Sunshine,
The Pink Orchid.
_______________________________________
You told me yesterday,
That my words don't make sense anymore,
To quote you, "they are not interesting",
And that has left me thinking,
Thinking as to what happened.
May be my words expressed,
To be heard,
To search for someone who could, Understand.
I wrote like madness,
Poured my heart out.
 And then I found you.
You heard me,
You understood me,
And you kept me close to your heart,
I found my abode.
Now my words don't interest me too.
I hardly need to express,
Because what I feel,
Can be seen in your eyes.
I think words are failing me now,
And I guess I don't mind..
I know you have read it all..
My expressions,
My words,
And Me!