Will You Regret?

He is upset. Upset to know that the girl he loved, the innocent baby girl has changed, transformed, deteriorated. He knows it all. He has been told everything. But his state of shock is heart-breaking. He is sitting in front of me totally low on the zeal for life. He has forgotten all the wrongs and has accepted me with all his heart. But.. He carries a human soul inside which hurts when he sees what I have done to myself. He could have never imagined in the wildest of his dreams that he would see me in this form. Totally unbound.. Extremely open in thoughts and actions. The girl who came home clad in a sari that he gifted has died I guess. He knows. But then he tries hard to bring her back. Watering the plant that has withered might give some hope but will it flourish again is a thing for which all of us will have our own doubts. While I type this he might just be thinking of what has he gotten into. He might be wanting to re-think this whole thing. This is a life-time decision and there will be no looking back.

I know you love me and I know I can justify myself to myself. But will you understand me? And really accept me? I am right or wrong I would know and I can be at peace with myself. But... do you think I am worth it? Worth the pain, the sighs, the fights, the disappointments???

Do you think I am the "One"??

Please think about it. The last thing I would want in this world is to see you regret!!

What Do I Write About?

What do I write about? It's been so long. I have been busy and when I look back today I realise that I am re-writing my life, with words unspoken before. This is the life that I dreamt of (yes no matter how cliched that sounds). Before I begin I should mention that I have "When You Say Nothing At All by Ronan Keating" playing on my brand new Sony Vaio E Series while I am typing this blogpost.
I have been building a home for myself. My nest. It would not have been possible without him. He who is going to be the harbinger of my soul for ever and ever. He whose eyes are where I reside. I know I am sounding repetitive and boring and this post looks like just another post with few factual announcements about my life.
But the truth is I am in a state where I am feeling that I have full control of my life. Henceforth I Decide! This is a great feeling - this thing called "Independent Living".
Tonight when I will close my eyes I would again thank God for making us meet. I wouldnt want to thank Him for all the good things that are happening right now (the entire big and small of it). I would just say ----
Hey You,
Mr. Big Eyelashes...
You complain,
You crib,
You point out mistakes.....

You tickle,
You make me roll on the floor with laughter (literally)
You jump with excitement when you see me cooking.
You write notes for me..

You irritate me
You annoy me beyond imagination
You make me want to pull my hair

You make me write
You make me blush
You make me high on life

You mess up
You regret
You confuse me

You beam of confidence
You focus on us and our wellbeing
You plan on a tomorrow where we see 'us' just like how we are today

Mr. Big Eyelashes,
I wanna tell you,
I fight with you to show that I got rights on you.
I scream at you for you to know that I know you wont judge me.
I cry in front of you because I know you would still know how strong I am.
I crib in front of you because I love it when you make me understand, when you explain.
I get possessive because I am very childish about you and I like it this way. You are 'MINE'!!

And just like any other post I ended up scribbling my heart out.
I better rush now because I have to cook, clean, crib, fight, irritate, annoy, love and sleep, in no particular order.

Year 2011 - I Lost A Pebble, But Found A Treasure!!

This is a common phenomenon in the lives of all the bloggers (well, most of them) that they treat this last week of the calender year as a time where they reflect on the year that went by. I am no different. Its just that I want to look back to analyze where I was then (2010 last week) and where I am now. Writing this post is already making me aware that there is going to be zero readership for this one. But I have to write this. I owe this to myself.

Writing in points is better... (disagree? Jump off a bridge!!)

In the year 2011:

I WAS BROKEN BUT WAS NOT READY TO GIVE UP!!

1. I never gave up: I didnt give up, when I could have, that too, very easily. I had come home in December 2010. And it is never a good thing for an Indian Family when the "married daughter" comes back to their parent's home ever, for good. Yes...It happened. I did come back and I wouldnt want to get into the "Hows and Whys" of it. When relationships end, no matter how big or small, it is always painful. It was for me too. In my case it ensured that I am hospitalized (for the first time ever in my life). I was broken mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, internally and externally. But then could I just hide myself in the confinements of four walls.. No! I couldnt have! I had to move on, no matter how difficult, no matter how impossible. I did. I got back to my previous job. People were kind. No questions were asked. They were kind and they understood.

THE SMILE WAS RETURNING, SLOWLY!!

2. From "Counselor" to "Academic Counselor": Someone at my workplace knew that I am not happy with what I am doing. It was limited. It was just front desk sales - "Convincing people to Think CAT - Think TIME". I was unhappy. I quit. (Even though I left, few people will always be remebered and cherished "Balaji Partibhan, Nivethitha, Vidhya, Girijia Ma'am, Jagan Subburam, Mark North) Just like that. I needed more. Then I came to know of this new opportunity where an infrastructure company is foraying into education sector and an "Academic Counselor" (the title spelled "dignity/pride/respect) is required. It excited me. It felt as if this job and I were just looking for each other. I got through the interview and we just hit it off from there. Laying foundation of a school with young angels (LKG - VIIIth) std., an Architecture College (Ah! The Excitement, The Pressure, The Deadlines, The Sweet Sense of Success), A Music School (My love for Rock/Fusion/Indian Classical was reborn). I met some of the most amazing people in my life at this stage. Priya (My Current Boss: I have and I am learning so much for her. I bug her with my questions both personal and professional and she is always there with an answer. So much encouragement and motivation, I have got from you, Priya, Thank You), Mr. Ganesh Ram (My Super Boss: Woah! The enthusiasm, The energy and The positive attitude. I respect him!!) I made some great friends, Mukesh, Pushpa, Shwetha, Viswa, Raghav, Sujeen, Pramod, Jatan, Shyam Rao, Johanson, VijayGanesh, Jean Herve, John Gomez, Radha, Pon Prabha, Leo, Gaurav, Lunic....the list is endless (These names are in the order of which I came to know them, please dont take it otherwise. :)

LIFE IS A GAME AND "TRUTH & HONESTY" IS THE ONLY RULE!!

3. The Legal Legalities: Ok, this is something I dont want to talk much about. Chennai High Court (to file a divorce), Chennai Office of the Commissioner of Police (to file an FIR), Chapra Court (for a hearing on restitution of conjugal rights)... Pain! Confidence! "I dont care"! "I am not scared"! "Bring it on"! "I am not going to be suffering in silence"! "You asked for it, you will get it"! ----- Are some of the thoughts which made me stronger and capable of fighting for my rights with each passing day.

MY TRUE SELF!!

4. "Ullaas": No one has any clue, how much it means to me, the Cultural Committee of my Organization "Ullaas". I have been voted the Secretary, which makes it even more special. I met some of the most amazing people who have a clear understanding of the concept "Fun at Work". When I was slowly fighting the battles of my life, "Ullaas" brought my confidence back. The "Real Me" was suddenly standing in front of me, looking into my eyes. I told myself "I am back, Girl!" Hell Yeah!!

THE PAGE 3 MOMENT!!

5. Page 3: The picture says it all. Nonetheless, it was special!

Tweet! Tweet! - I CAN "TWEET-IFY" A "LOT"!!

6. Twitter Twee-Pals: 2011 saw the birth of @SunSandRain. (Though I still prefer to blog as the "The Pink Orchid";) ; Varun K Mehta, Faizal, Gurnaam Singh Sodhi, Sai_Ki_Bitiya, YaminiHasini, Neeraj Mallick, SavvyDaExplorer, Sunny_A, ShravanRN, _Vinay, Sawan, Manish0891, KP099 (Kumar), Pacificss, Jilaawatan (Inder), ShaileshKPandey, and so many more... I love reading them.. talking to them..bugging them..Each one of you mean a lot to me and I want to meet all of you someday!! Yeah!!

THE FRAGRANCE OF FREEDOM!!

7. Hyderabad: This is not just a place, this is another page in the book of my life. For the first time, in my life, I was away from home, not on a family trip, not on a school/college trip, but on a trip of my choice, where I went because I wanted to go. Thank You Viswa for making it possible. Paradise Biryani, Hyderabadi Bangles, Chaar Minar, RAC Train Travel, Endless Bus Travel and of course "Shwetha & Ra..." --- It is all going to be etched in my memory forever!

 

I guess that's about it. I have written enough and now when I look back on what I have written... I feel proud and grateful.

Thank You!!

P.S. I didnt want to repeat meeting Ms. Kiran Bedi here in this post 'coz that deserves a separate mention and it has been given its due here