Two Drops of Love..

The rain stopped on his eyelashes and she got all drenched.

***

They fought the biggest fights but they always knew they will end up together.. May be they didn't.

***
He opened the door for her and pulled the chair. The promise of a happy life sparkled in the champagne glass. A dream came true.

***
There was a big crowd of people around and a lot of noise but only until their eyes met.

***

She found a love message in her daughter's mobile. In her old book, a rose dried a little more.

***

He was not answering her calls. She was furious.
The door bell rang. It must be him.
'I'm going to kill him', she murmured to herself.
He was right there....wrapped in the flag. She will never forgive herself..

***

What Do I Write About?

What do I write about? It's been so long. I have been busy and when I look back today I realise that I am re-writing my life, with words unspoken before. This is the life that I dreamt of (yes no matter how cliched that sounds). Before I begin I should mention that I have "When You Say Nothing At All by Ronan Keating" playing on my brand new Sony Vaio E Series while I am typing this blogpost.
I have been building a home for myself. My nest. It would not have been possible without him. He who is going to be the harbinger of my soul for ever and ever. He whose eyes are where I reside. I know I am sounding repetitive and boring and this post looks like just another post with few factual announcements about my life.
But the truth is I am in a state where I am feeling that I have full control of my life. Henceforth I Decide! This is a great feeling - this thing called "Independent Living".
Tonight when I will close my eyes I would again thank God for making us meet. I wouldnt want to thank Him for all the good things that are happening right now (the entire big and small of it). I would just say ----
Hey You,
Mr. Big Eyelashes...
You complain,
You crib,
You point out mistakes.....

You tickle,
You make me roll on the floor with laughter (literally)
You jump with excitement when you see me cooking.
You write notes for me..

You irritate me
You annoy me beyond imagination
You make me want to pull my hair

You make me write
You make me blush
You make me high on life

You mess up
You regret
You confuse me

You beam of confidence
You focus on us and our wellbeing
You plan on a tomorrow where we see 'us' just like how we are today

Mr. Big Eyelashes,
I wanna tell you,
I fight with you to show that I got rights on you.
I scream at you for you to know that I know you wont judge me.
I cry in front of you because I know you would still know how strong I am.
I crib in front of you because I love it when you make me understand, when you explain.
I get possessive because I am very childish about you and I like it this way. You are 'MINE'!!

And just like any other post I ended up scribbling my heart out.
I better rush now because I have to cook, clean, crib, fight, irritate, annoy, love and sleep, in no particular order.

Vitamin-Aks!!

I am sleepy beyond imagination right now but I have to scribble this out. This movie "Vinaythaandi Varuvaaya" is the most stupid movie ever made. You must be wondering why such a baseless accusation. Actually its only a question -- "How could a movie be so 'you' so 'me'??"

You should have stopped loving me,
The day I walked out of your life.
You should have stopped missing me,
The day I held someone else's hand.
You should have stopped thinking of me,
The day you saw I am not the same "innocence redefined"
You should have stopped drenching me in your tears,
The day I got so practical that I stopped seeing the truth in your eyes.
You should have stopped running to me,
The day I started looking at a different horizon.
You should have stopped looking for me,
The day I stopped being the "pretty slimness".
You should have stopped writing about me,
The day I stopped listening to your words even before they poured out of your thoughts.

What we have today is beautiful. I moved on, you didn't. You waited at the same corner of the road where I left you four years ago. Your eyes still wet, forehead still moist, hands still shivering with nervousness, your heart still hoped that I would be back one day. I saw you and I wondered what could I give you. I have lost everything including the ability to love, the ability to have my heart racing faster with every breath I take. But I know I am wrong. Your emotions are taking me to the edge of the cliff and are trying to push me into the valley of new-found emotions of my own. I am falling free because you made me feel I am capable of it yet again. This time its more special because not only were you waiting, you also made me realise what have I been missing. I was missing "myself". I don't know what happens tomorrow, I am not God after all. But I have learnt this the hard way that life has nothing to do with "tomorrows". Life is made of a hell lot of "todays". And my "todays" are filled with "Vitamin-Aks". I can never be weak again, I'm sure!!

I am falling just to fly higher this time..

Let Life Happen..Shall We?

Off late I have been running away from myself, for a simple fact that a lot has been happening that I have not been able to comprehend, I thought it was better to give myself some time. Thats what I did. So that explains the long gap from blogging( one week is a long gap when you have been writing daily).
And the fingers stop on the keyboard again. I am wondering how do I write what I feel because right now it is a plethora of emotions. There is sorrow, pain, joy, thrill, a void, a smile, silence and unbelievable noise. I know I am ranting, nonsensical stuff. How I wish I was able to make sense of whats happening with me right now.
Now I guess I am just going to type away to glory:




- Can you be in love with two people at the same time? If yes, how do you justify this as fair. If no, how do you know which one is the "love" you have always dreamt of? How do you pacify the hurt caused by someone/something who has been there in your life for just 4 weeks? He never existed before that and now, after this whole "its-bye-for-good" conversation, do people just forget everything? Is it going to be awkward after this? Painful to find him not looking at me? Angry to find out that things are different now? Disappointed by the fact that something so beautiful has come to an end. But I know this one thing, I am very bad at half-hearted stuff.Its either everything or nothing. I have not learnt to fake. If I fake I would be hurt. Yeah right! Got to open my eyes and smell the coffee (quoting "the man"). So like I had said, its time to lock away the memories (throwing the "heart of the ocean" back in the ocean). If this is what you wanted then this is what it is. "MoViNg On!!!!!!!"



- What I am about to write now, actually deserves a separate post, but then I guess the chain of thoughts have to be provided with some justice as well. May 2008 "then" AKS and AMBER came to life out of no-where. She hardly knew that her shadow is breathing in a life form and he was unaware that her reason for living is about to come brush his eyelashes and place few heavenly dreams on them. Life did what it is known for, being a roller coaster ride. Thats what it has been from May 2008 to May 2012; 4 Years of thrill/trauma/pain/joy/words/meaning/life/death/then life again. (we will talk about this "joy" ride in detail soon). After 4 years, they meet again and it was as if nothing has changed, as if time had frozen and now all of a sudden the sun is shining bright in the sky, shocking the eye and melting the frozen time. Surprisingly...AKS Sings...AMBER smiles...Again.. I am not going to shell out any forecasts because it will be stupid. Fools are those beings, who think life is in the future. Life is happening now.. This second..The needles of your watch ticking away are asking you "Dude, arent you forgetting something? Yes you are.. you are forgetting to live.." I have learnt this the hard way that "Life is Happening NOW, at this very moment".
All I should say at this point of time is I am letting life happen to me.. fresh air in my lungs, arms wide open, a smile on my lips, dreams in my eyes, a song on my mind. Lets just reiterate..."They meet again.. but then.. it is just the beginning".

Not A Virgin, Not A Sinner!!

She dressed up in her dreams,
Her dream of giving him, her all,

He dressed up in his plans,
His plans of victory, his plans of owning her.

She was waiting,
Surrounded with petals of hope,
Fragrance of beautiful tomorrows..

He was moving,
Towards his prey, to devour her,
Inch by inch, drop by drop..

She closed her eyes,
And smiled inside,
Her heart racing,
Chills running down her spine..

He didn't feel a thing,
Only that he knew he will own her,
From this night on..


She desired it slow,
Wanting to get unveiled and unfolded,
She would lose herself with each touch, each whisper,
She would fall in love with her name,
Dancing on his lips, in his eyes,
She dreamt of "their" magic.

He desired pleasure,
Quick, and at any cost,
Even if it meant,
Seeing her die every second..
He would dig his nails deep,
Deep in her tender skin,
She would wail, scream for mercy,
He would take the beautiful doll of wax,
And paint her red in her own blood. He dreamt of "her" pain..

Once their eyes met,
He couldn't wait,
Not anymore,
In seconds, he squashed,
Her night of dreams, of fragrance,
Of beauty, of tomorrows..
Into a night of horror, of nightmares,
Of pain, of screams..

This was not all.
The second he knew,
He didn't win,
The second he realized,
She wasn't waiting for him,
All her life..
The second he saw,
She was loved before..
There was an animal,
On top of her..
Now fingers were claws..

Some time passed by,
For him, few hours,
For her, few ages.
He left the room,
Fuming in anger,
Leaving behind few murdered dreams,
Floating in a red pool of pain.

Her hurt heart-beats,
Her bruised breaths,
Felt sorry for her..
After all,
She was at fault,
She had loved once,
With all her heart and soul..
And then..
She loved again..



Kayi baar,
Rooh se kaagaz tak utarte utarte, Kuchh lafz...
Dil chiir dete hain..
Kuchh afsaane surkh hote hain Kuchh yu'n..


Dear Men, please get married for the reason that you need someone who you want to grow old with, have kids with, build a home with. Please do not marry for the sake of labeling a pretty virgin as your own.
What needs to be changed is this attitude of evil intentions masked by the term "marriage".

Abey Ja!!! Saale....!!

My goodness is not good enough for you,
My smile not genuine enough,
All you could do is count my meals,
And tell me that my pics are "blown" out of proportion,
You know what?
Abey Ja!!!... Saale...!!

My complaint is not valid enough for you,
The crime that I am victim of,
is somehow not serious enough for you,
More than my bruises,
You want me to count "some" cash.
You know what?
Abey Ja!!!.....Saale!!

Ogling at me was not enough for you,
Using dirty remarks at me was just not fun enough,
You "Had" to follow me in the bus,
And grope me in all ways possible in public..
You should have just died, but as of now...
You know what?
Abey Ja!!!....Saale!!

Your son's education was just not lucrative enough for you,
His white collar job just not decent enough,
You "had" to put a price tag on him,
I was blinded by his fake innocence,
But, I have to tell you this...
You know what?
Abey Ja!!!.....Saale!!

There are so many of us,
Suffering in silence,
Praying for freedom,
But still accepting "the wrong",
But high time, we spoke up,
Its time to flash that middle finger,
Literally and otherwise,
And say it aloud with me,
To all that is wrong,
To all who is evil,
You know what,
You Disgusting, Good for Nothing, Burfened lives?
Abey Ja!!!...Saale!!
Go Die!! Kahin Ja Ke Mar!!!...Saale!!


P.S. Coming Soon----"Get Lost, You Bastard!!".........(Anger Continues.....)

Year 2011 - I Lost A Pebble, But Found A Treasure!!

This is a common phenomenon in the lives of all the bloggers (well, most of them) that they treat this last week of the calender year as a time where they reflect on the year that went by. I am no different. Its just that I want to look back to analyze where I was then (2010 last week) and where I am now. Writing this post is already making me aware that there is going to be zero readership for this one. But I have to write this. I owe this to myself.

Writing in points is better... (disagree? Jump off a bridge!!)

In the year 2011:

I WAS BROKEN BUT WAS NOT READY TO GIVE UP!!

1. I never gave up: I didnt give up, when I could have, that too, very easily. I had come home in December 2010. And it is never a good thing for an Indian Family when the "married daughter" comes back to their parent's home ever, for good. Yes...It happened. I did come back and I wouldnt want to get into the "Hows and Whys" of it. When relationships end, no matter how big or small, it is always painful. It was for me too. In my case it ensured that I am hospitalized (for the first time ever in my life). I was broken mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, internally and externally. But then could I just hide myself in the confinements of four walls.. No! I couldnt have! I had to move on, no matter how difficult, no matter how impossible. I did. I got back to my previous job. People were kind. No questions were asked. They were kind and they understood.

THE SMILE WAS RETURNING, SLOWLY!!

2. From "Counselor" to "Academic Counselor": Someone at my workplace knew that I am not happy with what I am doing. It was limited. It was just front desk sales - "Convincing people to Think CAT - Think TIME". I was unhappy. I quit. (Even though I left, few people will always be remebered and cherished "Balaji Partibhan, Nivethitha, Vidhya, Girijia Ma'am, Jagan Subburam, Mark North) Just like that. I needed more. Then I came to know of this new opportunity where an infrastructure company is foraying into education sector and an "Academic Counselor" (the title spelled "dignity/pride/respect) is required. It excited me. It felt as if this job and I were just looking for each other. I got through the interview and we just hit it off from there. Laying foundation of a school with young angels (LKG - VIIIth) std., an Architecture College (Ah! The Excitement, The Pressure, The Deadlines, The Sweet Sense of Success), A Music School (My love for Rock/Fusion/Indian Classical was reborn). I met some of the most amazing people in my life at this stage. Priya (My Current Boss: I have and I am learning so much for her. I bug her with my questions both personal and professional and she is always there with an answer. So much encouragement and motivation, I have got from you, Priya, Thank You), Mr. Ganesh Ram (My Super Boss: Woah! The enthusiasm, The energy and The positive attitude. I respect him!!) I made some great friends, Mukesh, Pushpa, Shwetha, Viswa, Raghav, Sujeen, Pramod, Jatan, Shyam Rao, Johanson, VijayGanesh, Jean Herve, John Gomez, Radha, Pon Prabha, Leo, Gaurav, Lunic....the list is endless (These names are in the order of which I came to know them, please dont take it otherwise. :)

LIFE IS A GAME AND "TRUTH & HONESTY" IS THE ONLY RULE!!

3. The Legal Legalities: Ok, this is something I dont want to talk much about. Chennai High Court (to file a divorce), Chennai Office of the Commissioner of Police (to file an FIR), Chapra Court (for a hearing on restitution of conjugal rights)... Pain! Confidence! "I dont care"! "I am not scared"! "Bring it on"! "I am not going to be suffering in silence"! "You asked for it, you will get it"! ----- Are some of the thoughts which made me stronger and capable of fighting for my rights with each passing day.

MY TRUE SELF!!

4. "Ullaas": No one has any clue, how much it means to me, the Cultural Committee of my Organization "Ullaas". I have been voted the Secretary, which makes it even more special. I met some of the most amazing people who have a clear understanding of the concept "Fun at Work". When I was slowly fighting the battles of my life, "Ullaas" brought my confidence back. The "Real Me" was suddenly standing in front of me, looking into my eyes. I told myself "I am back, Girl!" Hell Yeah!!

THE PAGE 3 MOMENT!!

5. Page 3: The picture says it all. Nonetheless, it was special!

Tweet! Tweet! - I CAN "TWEET-IFY" A "LOT"!!

6. Twitter Twee-Pals: 2011 saw the birth of @SunSandRain. (Though I still prefer to blog as the "The Pink Orchid";) ; Varun K Mehta, Faizal, Gurnaam Singh Sodhi, Sai_Ki_Bitiya, YaminiHasini, Neeraj Mallick, SavvyDaExplorer, Sunny_A, ShravanRN, _Vinay, Sawan, Manish0891, KP099 (Kumar), Pacificss, Jilaawatan (Inder), ShaileshKPandey, and so many more... I love reading them.. talking to them..bugging them..Each one of you mean a lot to me and I want to meet all of you someday!! Yeah!!

THE FRAGRANCE OF FREEDOM!!

7. Hyderabad: This is not just a place, this is another page in the book of my life. For the first time, in my life, I was away from home, not on a family trip, not on a school/college trip, but on a trip of my choice, where I went because I wanted to go. Thank You Viswa for making it possible. Paradise Biryani, Hyderabadi Bangles, Chaar Minar, RAC Train Travel, Endless Bus Travel and of course "Shwetha & Ra..." --- It is all going to be etched in my memory forever!

 

I guess that's about it. I have written enough and now when I look back on what I have written... I feel proud and grateful.

Thank You!!

P.S. I didnt want to repeat meeting Ms. Kiran Bedi here in this post 'coz that deserves a separate mention and it has been given its due here