My Obesity is My Problem

I wonder why obesity is not acceptable. Is it because of true care or is it something to make fun of? When the day ends, all that mockery and jokes, leave a heart really sad. It might be making someone hate themselves. How come one person being overweight becomes everyone's concern? Everyone becomes a fitness guru, guiding, advising, mentoring. But ultimately you are constantly reminding someone of how different they are, how they are not a part of the "in" crowd.

Please let a person's weight be his or her problem. Do try to look beyond the physical set up of things. The fat is going to be burnt away by hook or by crook, in days, months or years. But it will be difficult to forget how the person was made to feel.

I may not be able to express it but it does feel completely demeaning. My talent, creativity, zeal, abilities suddenly feel nothing in front of how I look.

I have become this way due to a reason. A reason that I suffered. A reason that when I had multiple downs, food was the only thing I found comfort in.

I know I'm wrong. I know I'm big. I know I'm not healthy. I know if it goes on like this I will have serious health issues.

I know all of this. Trust me every time I look at myself in the mirror I get reminded of all of this. Everytime a dress doesnt fit me, I get reminded of all this. You don't need to make it worse for me than it already is.

I try. But I fail. I try again and I fail again. But that doesn't stop me from trying.

Next time can we not make it about me? Are you telling me I am the only overweight person you know? Is it that odd for you to skip this topic of my obesity and speak about things where I can be truly happy and genuinely laugh?

I know I crack a lot of jokes on myself but that's probably because I'm scared that you might initiate a joke about me. My jokes probably hurt me less.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm a normal human being, just like everyone else. I know this might be a fun read for you but you would never know what I have gone through. You would never know ( even if I laugh with all my heart about all the sufferings of the past). Wounds don't heal so easily. They take time and probably I will take time too.

Please let me do this on my own. Please don't judge me on each move of mine, each meal, each hurt, presence or absence of me. Please give me the time I deserve. I know you mean the best for me but somehow you are making it tougher for me, making it difficult for me to be in my skin, making me hate myself more and more. I fear it will affect my confidence too.

Be my friend, well-wisher...but not at the cost of my self confidence and true smiles.

I hope you understand.