When you are angry:
- Pause before speaking. (This one is the toughest because the most defining characteristic feature of anger is "out of control")
- Change your location. (This could be as simple as going into the next room which is empty. The point is going away from people)
- Tell yourself "I will regret this outburst. This is pointless." (Self-talk is under-rated. Make the most of it. You watch out for yourself)
- Countdown. Higher the intensity of anger, higher the number you countdown from. (This really helps!)
- Look for alternative expressions. (Writing, gardening, kickboxing, etc. You can also take it out on a pillow or a stress ball. Things are immaterial. Relationships are priceless.)
- Drain it. (Anger does not prove your strength. Rather it shows a weak will power and shaky character. At the same time, tears do no make you weak. Be a "no non-sense" guy. Cry it out alone. You are strong when you do not show your tears.)
The points mentioned above are not so easy.
When angry all we think of is taking it out on the first person who comes in front of us. Sometimes somebody totally innocent gets to feel the brunt of it.
When we are angry, all we think of is to cool ourselves down by saying and doing things which we do regret later.
So it's definitely a challenge to deal with anger, especially when we are the ones angry.
More than these quick tips, what would help us most is a change in our lifestyle. Research has proven that people who do the following are found to have fewer episodes of anger.
- The ones who hang out with friends quite often.
- The ones who laugh a lot.
- The ones who exercise or play a sport.
- The ones with a hobby like dancing, reading, writing, singing, gardening, knitting, swimming etc.
- The ones who have bigger dreams in life.
- The ones who value relationships more than trivial things.
I agree that all this is easier said than done but ones put in practice, life becomes much easier, more calm and to top it all, FUN!!
How do you deal with your anger? What is your secret key that brings the smile back and defeats that sudden rush of rage? Tell me about it in the comments section.
Striving for a better day, each day.
Aparna Gautam
2 comments:
When am angry - I just watch. Read this:
Even while anger is happening, if you suddenly become conscious, it drops. Try it! Just in the middle, when you are very hot and would like to murder--suddenly become aware, and you will feel something has changed: a gear inside, you can feel the click, your inner being has relaxed.
It may take time for your outer layer to relax, but the inner being has already relaxed. The cooperation has broken...now you are not identified. The body will take a little time to cool down, but deep at the center everything is cool.
Awareness is needed, not condemnation--and through awareness transformation happens spontaneously. If you become aware of your anger, understanding penetrates.
Just watching, with no judgment, not saying good, not saying bad, just watching in your inner sky. There is lightning, anger, you feel hot, the whole nervous system shaking and quaking, and you feel a tremor all over the body--a beautiful moment, because when energy functions you can watch it easily; when it is not functioning you cannot watch.
Close your eyes and meditate on it. Don't fight, just look at what is happening--the whole sky filled with electricity, so much lightning, so much beauty--just lie down on the ground and look at the sky and watch. Then do the same inside. Somebody has insulted you, somebody has laughed at you, somebody has said this or that... many clouds, dark clouds in the inner sky and much lightning. Watch!
It is a beautiful scene--terrible also, because you don't understand. It is mysterious, and if mystery is not understood it becomes terrible, you are afraid of it. And whenever a mystery is understood, it becomes a grace, a gift, because now you have the keys--and with keys you are the master.
Pardon the long paras!!
Post a Comment