Not Yet!

December 21, 2012 12:30 a.m. Today when I close my eyes I sense a lonely me. Or to be precise the me who is all alone. Being lonely or being alone could mean two different things. But let's not get into that. My current life could be described as a series of events which could be portrayed as the big bang theory. Only that the big bang theory gave birth to a solid earth and here I am trying to collect the pieces of me after this BIG BANG ! Its as if I attract mess like a magnet. I could define my current state as a happy state too. But I might sound totally crazy if I say I'm happy. To be more accurate I am standing by my decision with a hope that happiness will follow. This assumption may or may not be true in the end of my story. I could very well be sitting and cribbing right now. "What wrong did I do to deserve this?" Or "Why me? Always??". But I won't do any of that. I never feel sorry for myself. It is as if the whole purpose of my living is to keep going, keep exploring what life has in store for me and try my best to keep myself together in all circumstances. I know this post might be judged as a completely eccentric post. But I had to vent out. Because of no other reason than I am tired. The energy in me has drained. I want to fall like a log but my only fear is the ground on which I fall might not be strong enough to hold me. I want to give up and hibernate, just cut myself off, without having to make an effort to explain myself to me or to anyone else. I might have big warm drops of tears rolling down my cheeks right now while I am typing this because may be I am realising that I don't have the luxury to give up. I have to keep fighting till the end. I can't give my arms up because I can't accept being imprisoned. Not yet ! Letting the tears dry, The Pink Orchid

Voices in My Head

I need something to overcome the voices in my head. As night falls, the voices in my head get as loud as they can. Sometimes sad, sometimes happy, sometimes thrilled, sometimes depressed, they make sure I don't sleep. Exhausted, being weak, distracting myself with reading, tv, internet, Ah nothing helps. Its strange how this works!

Like right now, I know I need to sleep. I have to see a doctor tomorrow, practically today, its way past midnight. I have got to be in office in time. Cooking breakfast, lunch, cleaning utensils, washing clothes.. A lot of work is pending for the morning. But sleep is far far away from my eyes.

What am I thinking? Anything specific? Nope! Its a plethora of multi coloured thoughts. So many plans, certain complaints, inconveniences, worries, few joys, people around, work (both official and personal). It is as if a lot of thoughts keep waiting for the night to fall so that they could sabotage my mind and take away my peace.

While I am typing this, I, suddenly, felt something nice. My eyes are getting heavier. I can hear dreams calling. Peace is taking me in its arms. Yay! Writing does help. I'm feeling so light. Okay so before I start dancing because of the fact I blogged, let me just go sleep.

Good night y'all,

The Pink Orchid