The Bitter and Sweet of It All..

Its tough to articulate what I am thinking right now but so easy to know and confirm that I'm happy. I'm being taken care of. I am at peace. The hunt has ended, the running has exhausted, the search is tired. Its as if I am home after being worn out and completely drained from the struggles of daily life. I'm not surprised. I chose him with my innocent heart, when I didn't know the harsh realities of this world, the brutality of survival. I chose him when I was not "smart"ed by the changing times. I chose him when being worldly wise was a negative word for him. I chose him when I didn't even know what love is. I chose him and that was the end of it all.

Today he is there, right in front of my eyes, unfolding all his charm. I can see myself under the shadow of those dusky eye lashes. I can hear myself beating in his heart. I am running in his nerves and I'm not exaggerating. Take me away from his eyes and you'll see the restlessness, the disheveled breath, the lost him. Its as if he is the engulfing the soul that's me, giving the glow of life to his being.

I'm surprised at the feeling of tranquility. I have felt the extremes of all emotions, all of them. But not this quiet, this silence of relief when you can hear yourself breath, when you can sense the sound of the waves, of the breeze. The contentment that you are you and you can be you for times to come.

But all the emotions aside there is this darkness of fear in one small corner of my heart. The fear that its all a dream and there will be a barren land instead of the flowery heaven when I open my eyes. The fear that there are people ready to pour some acid on the soft skin of these pure emotions. The fear that he is scared. The fear that his hope will turn weak. The fear that he'll not be able to hold on. The fear that he'll give up.

Tonight I close my eyes, with a small prayer,

I wanna dream big
And fly high
Where there is nothing to stop me
Not even the sky high
But when I wear out
And get weak beyond control
A pair of eyes
And arms open wide
May they wait for me
At the doorway
At the corridor of my dream..
My home...