The Fire in Me..

Almost three weeks of not writing anything. That was a big break! Today I came here not to write but to renovate. I changed the title of this blog. "AAS - The Beginning" was not me. Hope (aas) is a good thing but somehow to me it indicates weakness, waiting for things to happen. Hope is a tool for the victims of destiny. Similarly, "The Beginning" comprises of the story of a journey that has just started. Now when I come to think of it hope is definitely a positive beginning but if not acted upon its a mere illusion or a mirage.
At this stage of my life and times to come I'd like to write about the fire that is me. The positivity. The power. The strength. The ability to create and also destroy the wrong (in me). That's why the title now is "The Fire in Me". This title will remind me of what I am.

And if all of us come to realize our true selves. This is what we are. Fire - The truth of our survival. Our soul. The fire in us is what pushes us to achieve, to just "go for it". The fire is what drives us to the destination of goals, be it spiritual, material, romantic or a mix of it all.

The title would also be a warning that I am supposed to control this fire, to save myself from burning out. I'll have to act as the regulator of this fire, which if left uncontrolled, can unleash havoc.

I know its a little too philosophical for your taste. But I am supposed to map my thoughts if I claim myself to be someone who is expressive and dreams of being read by many.

As a last note, I still continue to write as "The Pink Orchid" because with this name I have reached out to few hearts and souls of like minded expressions of creativity. It also stresses on a very critical fact which is rarely known and much rarely understood i.e. ----

She is a flower,
Delicate and fragrant,
But when crushed,
She doesn't die,
She glows,
Inside and Out,
And then she,
Writes Her life,
With the fire in her..

Its the tough times,
the rough patches
That make her value,
The smallest of joys,
The lightest of dewdrops.
She is a flower indeed,
Dellicate and fragrant,
She writes her "self",
And she glows inside.

She, The Pink Orchid,
Writes her life titled
"The Fire in Me.."

Phew! I did explain it well. So what say? Let's bring on the energies, extreme emotions, the anger, the romance, the peace, the noise, the waves, the tornadoes...all that and more.

Let's heat up this place.. Let's light the fire...

The Bitter and Sweet of It All..

Its tough to articulate what I am thinking right now but so easy to know and confirm that I'm happy. I'm being taken care of. I am at peace. The hunt has ended, the running has exhausted, the search is tired. Its as if I am home after being worn out and completely drained from the struggles of daily life. I'm not surprised. I chose him with my innocent heart, when I didn't know the harsh realities of this world, the brutality of survival. I chose him when I was not "smart"ed by the changing times. I chose him when being worldly wise was a negative word for him. I chose him when I didn't even know what love is. I chose him and that was the end of it all.

Today he is there, right in front of my eyes, unfolding all his charm. I can see myself under the shadow of those dusky eye lashes. I can hear myself beating in his heart. I am running in his nerves and I'm not exaggerating. Take me away from his eyes and you'll see the restlessness, the disheveled breath, the lost him. Its as if he is the engulfing the soul that's me, giving the glow of life to his being.

I'm surprised at the feeling of tranquility. I have felt the extremes of all emotions, all of them. But not this quiet, this silence of relief when you can hear yourself breath, when you can sense the sound of the waves, of the breeze. The contentment that you are you and you can be you for times to come.

But all the emotions aside there is this darkness of fear in one small corner of my heart. The fear that its all a dream and there will be a barren land instead of the flowery heaven when I open my eyes. The fear that there are people ready to pour some acid on the soft skin of these pure emotions. The fear that he is scared. The fear that his hope will turn weak. The fear that he'll not be able to hold on. The fear that he'll give up.

Tonight I close my eyes, with a small prayer,

I wanna dream big
And fly high
Where there is nothing to stop me
Not even the sky high
But when I wear out
And get weak beyond control
A pair of eyes
And arms open wide
May they wait for me
At the doorway
At the corridor of my dream..
My home...