This Wont Make Sense to You!

Its difficult being mature. And just a sentence typed, and I realized its been ages since I typed a blogpost from a desktop (Blackberry Dependency Syndrome!!). Right now, a few mature decisions have been taken and the issues which are difficult to handle and require a foresight which I lack have been put on hold. Reiterating the fact, I would say I am still focussing on "having fun and living it up each day".
Commitments? A Big No!! Being single is so so so much fun. It is definitely less of pain and lesser of unfulfilled expectations especially for people who like to keep a tab of it.
Am I happy? Yes!! I am happy because I am being honest to myself. After a long and hard struggle to trying to make the "wrong" sound "right", I still failed. And proudly because the morals have not died yet. I couldnt compromise with the principals I never knew I had.
Does it hurt to walk out of something beautiful? It does. But how much? That depends on how prepared you were for the pain engulfing you. I was prepared. Prepared for the fact that I wont be able to be a part of a tragic lie.
Am I missing him? Yes and No! Well, in the fight between brain and heart, sensibility and morality won. Its strange having him around as a person with whom it was an emotional relationship and now I guess it would be formal. Emotional one hurt because it was lacking the vitamin-forever and this formal one will hurt because he had become a part of my daily routine. Ok may be I am sounding totally pathetic right now but I am thinking aloud. Judge me if you wish to. All I am saying is I know I am right!!
What next? Like I said, no commitments, lots of smiles, lots of food, lots of fun, lots of "me" time with people I want to be with, with people who are there for me today.
Why am I thinking so straight? I have realised life has to be seen in black and white, wrong and right. The color mix or the grey area is actually all the illusions and mess that we create around ourselves.
I know you didnt understand anything. In fact, this entire post is actually a collage of a lot of scribbles. Currently I am happy because I am in full control of my life (ok, it doesnt sound right. but then I feel I am in control) I have a hand to hold, a shoulder to lean on, a soul to breathe in, eyelashes to admire, songs to hum, a heart listening to my nonsensical and sensible words, moments to be cherished (new ones being added continuously). Life can happen to you in so many ways. Off late it is happening to me in the form of "AKS".