Abey Ja!!! Saale....!!

My goodness is not good enough for you,
My smile not genuine enough,
All you could do is count my meals,
And tell me that my pics are "blown" out of proportion,
You know what?
Abey Ja!!!... Saale...!!

My complaint is not valid enough for you,
The crime that I am victim of,
is somehow not serious enough for you,
More than my bruises,
You want me to count "some" cash.
You know what?
Abey Ja!!!.....Saale!!

Ogling at me was not enough for you,
Using dirty remarks at me was just not fun enough,
You "Had" to follow me in the bus,
And grope me in all ways possible in public..
You should have just died, but as of now...
You know what?
Abey Ja!!!....Saale!!

Your son's education was just not lucrative enough for you,
His white collar job just not decent enough,
You "had" to put a price tag on him,
I was blinded by his fake innocence,
But, I have to tell you this...
You know what?
Abey Ja!!!.....Saale!!

There are so many of us,
Suffering in silence,
Praying for freedom,
But still accepting "the wrong",
But high time, we spoke up,
Its time to flash that middle finger,
Literally and otherwise,
And say it aloud with me,
To all that is wrong,
To all who is evil,
You know what,
You Disgusting, Good for Nothing, Burfened lives?
Abey Ja!!!...Saale!!
Go Die!! Kahin Ja Ke Mar!!!...Saale!!


P.S. Coming Soon----"Get Lost, You Bastard!!".........(Anger Continues.....)

Yes I Am Fat...Bite Me!!

Right now, my facebook status reads this --- "I am fat. I eat a lot. I sleep less and get up till late. I am online all the time. I am just a girl who gets lonely and is running away from her own self. I am not able to put my mind to one thing. I want to look pretty in the pics. Everytime I upload a pic, I know what the comments are going to be. Inside and out, I am a big bundle of mess. But still I am glad I didn't give up, when time was rough on me. I am smiling now. Soon I will mean it too. I know.."

I am not trying to be defensive. But even if I am fat, it doesn't mean I eat all that much. Or even if I hog a lot of food, may be because I am still emotionally low sometimes and want to fill that gap by eating. I know it doesn't help but still. At least I am not sitting everyday with a can of beer and fried chicken. I mean you don't take a second to comment, to remark, the moment I take a plate to serve food for myself or the moment there is a discussion in which food is involved. The moment the word "chicken"/"KFC" is uttered, the discussion suddenly becomes about me. I upload a year old pic on FB, the comment is not about how nice that pic is but it is about how fat I am now. This treatment is eating me up so bad that now I avoid meeting old friends.

I know a lot of people are going to get offended reading this. May be my tone is not correct. May be I should just make it clear in front of people, on their faces, that "enough is enough". You are making me conscious, everytime I am eating in public. This blog post doesn't make any sense when I don't have the heart to tell people that even if I am laughing off that joke on fat people (meant only for me), something is cracking inside my heart. My smile is drooping into an upset curve.

Yeah I am not getting up in the morning. Yes I am not working out or going for a walk. Yes I am not cutting down on fried snacks/spicy food. So? Bite me!

This post is basically written to tell myself ----"Listen, you don't care!! You just don't care!! You build your own standards and live upto them!! 'Coz that's what matters at the end of the day!! So forget everything, and laugh on that "fat girl" joke along with everyone else but this time your heart should smile too. You don't need too many people to say/feel that you are pretty inside and this fat is just a phase. If you know it girl, its enough! It is enough! Muaaaaaah!"

Love,
To Me from Me :)
I am proud of you girl! (Note To Self)

Year 2011 - I Lost A Pebble, But Found A Treasure!!

This is a common phenomenon in the lives of all the bloggers (well, most of them) that they treat this last week of the calender year as a time where they reflect on the year that went by. I am no different. Its just that I want to look back to analyze where I was then (2010 last week) and where I am now. Writing this post is already making me aware that there is going to be zero readership for this one. But I have to write this. I owe this to myself.

Writing in points is better... (disagree? Jump off a bridge!!)

In the year 2011:

I WAS BROKEN BUT WAS NOT READY TO GIVE UP!!

1. I never gave up: I didnt give up, when I could have, that too, very easily. I had come home in December 2010. And it is never a good thing for an Indian Family when the "married daughter" comes back to their parent's home ever, for good. Yes...It happened. I did come back and I wouldnt want to get into the "Hows and Whys" of it. When relationships end, no matter how big or small, it is always painful. It was for me too. In my case it ensured that I am hospitalized (for the first time ever in my life). I was broken mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, internally and externally. But then could I just hide myself in the confinements of four walls.. No! I couldnt have! I had to move on, no matter how difficult, no matter how impossible. I did. I got back to my previous job. People were kind. No questions were asked. They were kind and they understood.

THE SMILE WAS RETURNING, SLOWLY!!

2. From "Counselor" to "Academic Counselor": Someone at my workplace knew that I am not happy with what I am doing. It was limited. It was just front desk sales - "Convincing people to Think CAT - Think TIME". I was unhappy. I quit. (Even though I left, few people will always be remebered and cherished "Balaji Partibhan, Nivethitha, Vidhya, Girijia Ma'am, Jagan Subburam, Mark North) Just like that. I needed more. Then I came to know of this new opportunity where an infrastructure company is foraying into education sector and an "Academic Counselor" (the title spelled "dignity/pride/respect) is required. It excited me. It felt as if this job and I were just looking for each other. I got through the interview and we just hit it off from there. Laying foundation of a school with young angels (LKG - VIIIth) std., an Architecture College (Ah! The Excitement, The Pressure, The Deadlines, The Sweet Sense of Success), A Music School (My love for Rock/Fusion/Indian Classical was reborn). I met some of the most amazing people in my life at this stage. Priya (My Current Boss: I have and I am learning so much for her. I bug her with my questions both personal and professional and she is always there with an answer. So much encouragement and motivation, I have got from you, Priya, Thank You), Mr. Ganesh Ram (My Super Boss: Woah! The enthusiasm, The energy and The positive attitude. I respect him!!) I made some great friends, Mukesh, Pushpa, Shwetha, Viswa, Raghav, Sujeen, Pramod, Jatan, Shyam Rao, Johanson, VijayGanesh, Jean Herve, John Gomez, Radha, Pon Prabha, Leo, Gaurav, Lunic....the list is endless (These names are in the order of which I came to know them, please dont take it otherwise. :)

LIFE IS A GAME AND "TRUTH & HONESTY" IS THE ONLY RULE!!

3. The Legal Legalities: Ok, this is something I dont want to talk much about. Chennai High Court (to file a divorce), Chennai Office of the Commissioner of Police (to file an FIR), Chapra Court (for a hearing on restitution of conjugal rights)... Pain! Confidence! "I dont care"! "I am not scared"! "Bring it on"! "I am not going to be suffering in silence"! "You asked for it, you will get it"! ----- Are some of the thoughts which made me stronger and capable of fighting for my rights with each passing day.

MY TRUE SELF!!

4. "Ullaas": No one has any clue, how much it means to me, the Cultural Committee of my Organization "Ullaas". I have been voted the Secretary, which makes it even more special. I met some of the most amazing people who have a clear understanding of the concept "Fun at Work". When I was slowly fighting the battles of my life, "Ullaas" brought my confidence back. The "Real Me" was suddenly standing in front of me, looking into my eyes. I told myself "I am back, Girl!" Hell Yeah!!

THE PAGE 3 MOMENT!!

5. Page 3: The picture says it all. Nonetheless, it was special!

Tweet! Tweet! - I CAN "TWEET-IFY" A "LOT"!!

6. Twitter Twee-Pals: 2011 saw the birth of @SunSandRain. (Though I still prefer to blog as the "The Pink Orchid";) ; Varun K Mehta, Faizal, Gurnaam Singh Sodhi, Sai_Ki_Bitiya, YaminiHasini, Neeraj Mallick, SavvyDaExplorer, Sunny_A, ShravanRN, _Vinay, Sawan, Manish0891, KP099 (Kumar), Pacificss, Jilaawatan (Inder), ShaileshKPandey, and so many more... I love reading them.. talking to them..bugging them..Each one of you mean a lot to me and I want to meet all of you someday!! Yeah!!

THE FRAGRANCE OF FREEDOM!!

7. Hyderabad: This is not just a place, this is another page in the book of my life. For the first time, in my life, I was away from home, not on a family trip, not on a school/college trip, but on a trip of my choice, where I went because I wanted to go. Thank You Viswa for making it possible. Paradise Biryani, Hyderabadi Bangles, Chaar Minar, RAC Train Travel, Endless Bus Travel and of course "Shwetha & Ra..." --- It is all going to be etched in my memory forever!

 

I guess that's about it. I have written enough and now when I look back on what I have written... I feel proud and grateful.

Thank You!!

P.S. I didnt want to repeat meeting Ms. Kiran Bedi here in this post 'coz that deserves a separate mention and it has been given its due here

Kiran Bedi and I Ft. Dhanush and I

I met her. I have grown up listening that I should become like her and learn from her. A die hard fan, me! I couldn't stop smiling when she was finally in front of my eyes.

God of Luck has been so kind to me that not only did I get an autograph, India Today put this picture up on their website, for which I will be grateful forever.

And they have me on Headlines Today here !!

Is it a beginning of something very exciting? :) You never know....!!

It is Madness..

that mad rush of emotions,

that stupid thought to write every single thing and 'blog' it,

that second thought to realise it indeed is a stupid thing to write about, after all you are supposed to have moved on,

that warm feeling inside, of some old memories, still not butchered with whatever happened later,

the question of why i am wrting all this,

ok...

mr. gone forever, when you say 'bye forever', please mean it.

'bye forever' on oct 23rd, shouldnt mean 'it is madness' on oct 27th.

well, you guys are not supposed to understand what is the context of the above sentence. the whole idea is crazy and emotions are indeed stupid. they make you do crazy things, which either make you laugh at yourself or make you feel dead embarassed. this has gotta stop. i dont know how many more blog posts will get wasted/utilized on this topic before this thing is completely out of my mind..

atleast now i can say that strong emotions like love,anger,hatred are all gone or have almost faded.. all that remains is a process of acknowledging the emotions which come and go, that flickering flame before it goes off completely.

i am happy 'time' has almost completed the healing process.. i am happy i took it all very positively.. i am happy that i am creating reasons for me to be proud of.. i am happy that i am going beyond my comfort zone/hiding zone.. i am out in the sun and am ready to accept the rain/shine.

just feels like quoting the great kareena kapoor from 'jab we met' -- "haan, main apni favorite hoon!!"

Words are just not enough sometimes..

kai baar lafz kam pad jaate hain...

badal do mere gam ki taareekh ko..

ab khushiyon ka mausam hai..

ab baarish mein dil nahi royega..

ab patjhad mein nahi hoga akelapan..

ab badlenge mausam ke maayne..

maine khud ko jo paaya hai..

duniya paayi hai..

'SAM'usic !!

in the night sky,

drops of music,

flying from the ground,

to become stars..

in the night sky,

the music,

becomes a person,

talking to me,

listening to me..

the moon and i,

watching over,

the creation,

of music profound..

wide eyed,

with a thousand dreams,

and the music in my eyes..

the stars hummed the tunes,

the breeze sang along,

i closed my eyes,

just the music and me..

strange how it makes you,

meet your 'self'..

this music..

hey music,

just stay,

i'll never let you go,

you make me, me,

you let me be..

in the night sky,

i am one in a million,

and you make me so,

so don't go..

the music and i,

together, forever !!

p.s. these lines go out to the entire team of 'swarnabhoomi academy of music' for making the night come alive !! thank you !!