The Story of A Fat Girl

Once upon a time there used to be a fat girl. She was not fat since birth. In fact this girl was the talk of the town because of the way she looked, in other words, S.T.U.N.N.I.N.G!! She was extremely active. Dance was her passion. In fact her parents used to wonder if she'd make a career out of it. She used to spend hours dancing in front of the mirror or just looking at herself. She was proud of herself. And then one fine day, she won a cash prize of Rs. 7500/- for winning a state level oratorical competition, that was the moment she felt the joy of earning and in no time "spending". She developed a love for "butter chicken", "chicken manchurian". In a flash, all the money was spent on junk food. Money was gone but an addiction to fried spicy food was now a part of her being. Pocket money became the need of the hour. Dance was replaced by eating chips and watching TV sitting on the couch for hours, sometimes from sunrise to sunset. The lady was studying in XIIth std then and weighed 47 Kgs.

Years passed by. Initially it was magical. Nothing happened in terms of inches or pounds. But not for long. All the butter started to settle under her skin. Clothes got uncomfortable. Wardrobe kept changing. She started growing up and growing broad, literally. Life went through ups and downs - Academics, competitions, friends, relationships, family, finance all the issues that an indian teenager faces. Eating was soon connected to emotions. Happy? Eat chicken. Lonely? Order pizza with extra cheese. Sad? Guzzle a lot of chips with a chilled bottle of thumbs-up.

Now she is 25 years old and weighs 86.5 Kgs. Life has not been kind to her and continues to do so. Everyday there are at least 20 remarks on how fat she is. Her old (read SLIM) pictures (Facebook) are commented as being someone else's. Her new (read FAT) pictures (Facebook) have a lot of mockery and little or no appreciation. People who care for her provide her tips on how to lose weight and how important it is to do so. Currently, she can't afford a gym. Even if she would be able to afford it in future, the way she has become, she won't hit the gym until and unless it is upstairs or next door.

But then she knows that she is a beautiful person inside. She cares for people around her. She laughs a lot and is extremely understanding. And today when she looked at herself in the mirror, she felt proud and thrilled. Not because she looked any different than how she looks off late. Just because she had no logical answer to what she asked herself "What's stopping you from bringing back the Real You?". All she could utter was....

...Its a new day,
It could be a new start
Its never too late
To listen to your heart.

And yeah she winked at her reflection in the mirror and blew a flying kiss. The princess was back!!

Its The Choices That I Make

Its a complete rant post. Uninterested individuals should stop reading NOW. Off late, I have been thinking whether hanging out with blessed (read RICH) people gets you discouraged about the life you are leading or gets you aspiring for more. There are people who are talking of buying houses where you could buy only a teddy bear conveniently. Does a social divide exist? Does being richer earn you respect in people's eyes? Or is it your work? Or is it about the choices you make? I personally feel it is about the choices you make. People tend to enter the maddening race of competition to ensure there are people around him/her feeling jealous of them and sorry for themselves. And few people do it because they want a comfortable life. Would I want to show off when I am rich? Would I talk only in terms of 5 star hotels, top of the line clubs, diamonds and imported cars? Now when I am thinking, it actually seems funny. I might turn out to be the most nosy snobbish person around (ok let's not be so mean to me but I'd love to show off a little). I'm sure its a great feeling when someone's pupils get dilated or jaw drops after listening to how well off you are. Or would I just be happy with the fact that I have a better life and I have worked hard for it?

In the last one and a half years, I have really learnt the meaning of the word "struggle" - counting pennies, making choices. Its when you start earning that you realize that you can't have everything. And I have accepted my pocket's capability. I am not making the right choices I am sure. But I can see myself using this phrase more often --- "I don't think I can afford it". I can see myself not going weak when my bank balance reads "Rs. 1800" (and no, I didn't miss out on a zero. It is Rupees One Thousand Eight Hundred Only as on 26th May 2012 and 14 days to survive in a city without family, not a difficult task I must say). Why am I writing about this? Because this is the rough patch I would want to remember and smile. This is the reminder of certain wrong financial decisions made or may be to re-look at the source of income. It is a wake-up call about evaluation of my skills and its worth. It is a lesson that money can buy almost everything, happiness and peace too. I would want to remember this time as a proud moment when I didn't enter the trap of debt/credit/loan from known/unknown people just because it is the easiest way out.

Also at this moment I would like to tell myself ---- "Go girl, make all the mistakes in the world. This life can be lived just once. Make it as much fun as possible. Don't let others de-motivate you, judge you or pull you down. Undoubtedly, you are a strong woman who is very balanced, mature and sensitive. Don't let the world make you think otherwise. Live each day. Live for yourself. Trust me, you are the most important person in your life and you are answerable to yourself only. Who gets to stay or thrown out of your life is a completely personal choice that you have to make. And no one, trust me no one should have any say in this regard. Let people waste their time discussing or gossiping about you. It just for you to realize that neither these people nor their opinions is worth a penny. Also I would never get tired of saying this ---- Girl, I Am Proud Of You!!!"

Let Life Happen..Shall We?

Off late I have been running away from myself, for a simple fact that a lot has been happening that I have not been able to comprehend, I thought it was better to give myself some time. Thats what I did. So that explains the long gap from blogging( one week is a long gap when you have been writing daily).
And the fingers stop on the keyboard again. I am wondering how do I write what I feel because right now it is a plethora of emotions. There is sorrow, pain, joy, thrill, a void, a smile, silence and unbelievable noise. I know I am ranting, nonsensical stuff. How I wish I was able to make sense of whats happening with me right now.
Now I guess I am just going to type away to glory:




- Can you be in love with two people at the same time? If yes, how do you justify this as fair. If no, how do you know which one is the "love" you have always dreamt of? How do you pacify the hurt caused by someone/something who has been there in your life for just 4 weeks? He never existed before that and now, after this whole "its-bye-for-good" conversation, do people just forget everything? Is it going to be awkward after this? Painful to find him not looking at me? Angry to find out that things are different now? Disappointed by the fact that something so beautiful has come to an end. But I know this one thing, I am very bad at half-hearted stuff.Its either everything or nothing. I have not learnt to fake. If I fake I would be hurt. Yeah right! Got to open my eyes and smell the coffee (quoting "the man"). So like I had said, its time to lock away the memories (throwing the "heart of the ocean" back in the ocean). If this is what you wanted then this is what it is. "MoViNg On!!!!!!!"



- What I am about to write now, actually deserves a separate post, but then I guess the chain of thoughts have to be provided with some justice as well. May 2008 "then" AKS and AMBER came to life out of no-where. She hardly knew that her shadow is breathing in a life form and he was unaware that her reason for living is about to come brush his eyelashes and place few heavenly dreams on them. Life did what it is known for, being a roller coaster ride. Thats what it has been from May 2008 to May 2012; 4 Years of thrill/trauma/pain/joy/words/meaning/life/death/then life again. (we will talk about this "joy" ride in detail soon). After 4 years, they meet again and it was as if nothing has changed, as if time had frozen and now all of a sudden the sun is shining bright in the sky, shocking the eye and melting the frozen time. Surprisingly...AKS Sings...AMBER smiles...Again.. I am not going to shell out any forecasts because it will be stupid. Fools are those beings, who think life is in the future. Life is happening now.. This second..The needles of your watch ticking away are asking you "Dude, arent you forgetting something? Yes you are.. you are forgetting to live.." I have learnt this the hard way that "Life is Happening NOW, at this very moment".
All I should say at this point of time is I am letting life happen to me.. fresh air in my lungs, arms wide open, a smile on my lips, dreams in my eyes, a song on my mind. Lets just reiterate..."They meet again.. but then.. it is just the beginning".