Of New Beginnings

So I have not posted from so long. Last one was in December 2015. But has a lot changed since then. Well, of course. It is my life. It has never been static or saturated. The latest happening is mum's health. I hope for her to recover soon. Until then I am being the superhero, super daughter and super mum at home. 

Workwise, not much can be said on this platform or right now. But definitely loads is in store. Huge plans, self belief and dedication is being created for a recipe of achievement. Long due. But now is the time. 

About pouring few words from the heart?

My heart and mind are being a roller coaster, 
Like they have always been..
Life has been racing against itself..
Need to find that core to hold and stay on..

My 2015 Confessions

My 2015 was a lot of things. An FB post would definitely not suffice. I would want to relive some of those moments while I type away.. Please bear with me..

In 2015...

1. The screen in front of me blurred a lot of times while I typed. The keyboard got fed salty droplets, while my laptop wondered what's wrong.

2. I laughed a lot. I laughed so much that my stomach hurt. 27% of the times I was genuinely happy.

3. My sky fell short as the days went by. The sky that I got had all clouds. The earth that I got was nothing but a fallow land.

4. I genuinely picked books this year. I pledged to learn..to polish my skills..to become a better version of me. I'm still going strong.

5. I made few promises. Lived some. Broke some.

6. I gave in to the spur of the moment. I behaved immaturely more than once. Definitely not something that I am proud of.

7. I went back to my roots. The songs of the soil will always be cherished.

8. I built many illusions. Its as if you feel that you own the world but you may not have solid ground under your feet. Illusions. Yes, many of them.

9. I caused hurt and pain to few dear ones. I will remember the knot after tying two parts of a broken thread. I will remember to not fall prey again to strong temporary illogical beliefs.

10. I sat alone by the quiet river. Life is a weird thing. The more you run from it the more it engulfs you in it. I ran. Ran from myself, from the unpleasant, from the negative, from the undesirable..and stopped by this river. My reflection flickered in the water as I bent to quench my thirst. I slipped. I fell. I drowned. Now I don't run anymore.

11. I got wounds but healed too. I'm ready to wither more as I stand firm on my feet.

12. I got hit by the ocean waves and got bruised. But funny how the warm salty water of the sea doesn't let you go home injured. The sand provides you shelter. This year I fell in love with the ocean again.

13. I saw rain. Lots of it. Hopes, lives, future floating, rotting in neck deep water. But then the clouds parted to give way to the Sun. The rays shone through.

In 2015, I continued to be my complex self. I may want to go back and change few things and I may also want to go back relive few things.

55 minutes  more to go before the new year rings in. I'm planning to live each day as it comes and make the most of each moment.

Happy new year !!

Her Truth

She had storms in her feet or let's say waves...she could dance for hours..imagining an audience cheering for her and wanting to see only her performance. She was a born celebrity. Giving interviews, signing autographs, addressing crowds, receiving awards, hosting events --- right there..always under the spotlight..whenever she was alone..in her own world. She was her inspiration - her world where she completely rocks! A little more bounce in her hair and her gait.. A dress that shows her flat mid riff (precisely a T-shirt knotted a little above her waist...Lol) and the music... Loud, melodious... And the applause.. She was the queen..the most famous one with a spark in her..

But then..she grew up and saw everyone else getting defined by their muses, their companions. Who will be hers? She didn't know what she wanted. Who is that ideal companion? Voila..she realized..any Tom, Dick or Harry who likes her is an ideal companion.. She met Toms, Dicks and quite a lot of Harrys. All that glitters is not gold. True. But she ran behind the glitter. Since everyone else has something that shines... Someone who writes beautifully for someone. Someone who fights and protects someone from other creeps. Someone who makes someone laugh. Someone who makes someone cry when not around. Different shades of glitter. But not gold !! Mere stones with glossy finish..

She never realized what she wanted or who she was until that one fine day she saw the hero stretch himself out on the stage floor completely in front of his heroine while millions of fans watched. He thanked his mademoiselle, his leading lady for making him meet himself -- his real self.

She wanted someone who could give himself to her completely..surrender to her to win her heart.. Someone who will reach the peak of success and stretch his hand for her, just to prove that it's all because of her and is for her..someone for whom she could go beyond all means and limitations and it will all be worth it..someone who can be himself with her and be himself because of her..on top of it all she wanted someone she can be her real self with.

Because as a little girl, she had always imagined that one unknown stranger who means a lot to her, watching her, admiring her, being proud of her, while she sets the stage on fire!

#NotetoSelf

So many words,
Molten lava,
Over sensitive heart,
Hurt emotions,
Hyper-active brain,
Remains of few yesterday's dreams,
Fear of dreaming again,
Missing positive spark,
Lost genuine laughter,
Burst bubbles,
Comfort zone,
But need to go out of the box.
Mere survival or excellence?
So finally the judgement announced..
You are pointless.
A mere bubble
With a second long life.
The wings that you had were illusionary.
Emotions or logic?
You tried to change what you are
Now you can't be recognized.
You are a string..
Ready to break..
Go sink into that chair and wonder
Slow down because you are direction less.
The faster you go,
The sooner you will get lost.
You are judged..
Your every move..
Your every  breath,
Is being mapped.
Good? Bad? Ugly?
Lol God knows..
This is rock bottom..

Fooled by words
Always.
Then you soothe your wounds
With the salt of your tears.
What's the point?

Stop and look at yourself
Who are you?
Where do you want to be?
What are you doing about it today?

You are taking steps in the dark
You are aiming nowhere..
You are lost and no one is looking for you..

The judgement has been announced
You are pointless.

Ola Cabs - Moment of Truth

This cab services was highly recommended for being cost effective. So I took the switch today because Fastrack clearly is very expensive.

The car that came to pick me up was quite comfortable and well maintained.
But the notification that I will be charged double due to peak hours is a let-downer.
Chennai traffic adds to the agony. But that's not the driver's fault of course.

Now I need to know the final bill to pass the final judgement. Now for the Ola App -- Rate 5 stars? Or uninstall?
Aaaaaaaaand the moment of truth.. Uninstalled!!

P.S. by the way the bill was one and a half times what  Fastrack free!!!

An Open Letter to A Woman

Dear Ms. Precious,

You can't give up just yet. You are a living example of how one needs to have courage to make wrong decisions and more courage to take more wrong decisions. Considering this, statistics show that you are quite courageous.

What happens when you fall..when you get weak..when you worry..you solve nothing. These are experiences which make you, you. Look back and see would you want to change anything..anything at all. Why would you want to change anything when from being a meek and naive girl, you turned to being a woman who can take on the world, only because of these circumstances.

Get bold, my dear. Feel the fire within you turning into pure gold. You are sensitive to others' emotions. You are smart and intelligent. You are everything. You are not weak. Period.

Don't wait for the world to tell you their opinion of you. Even if they do its not worth a penny. Because only you know your circumstances and the reason behind each one of your decisions.

You are not a puppet. You can't be made to dance with your strings on someone else's fingers, no matter how hard they try. Trust me, they will fall. They always have. Haven't they?

You are the best at everything you do. You give your heart and soul to everyone and everything around you. You think so so much about others. But then you forget the most important person you need to think about. You! What about your health, your peace, your sleep, your happiness, your future?

Stop thinking for just few seconds. No, the world won't stop spinning. No, the sky won't come crashing down. No, they won't forget you. Nothing of this sort will happen when you stop worrying. Even if it does, trust me my angel, you are a Phoenix. You always rise and you will rise again. Stronger and much better, much much more special.

Start valuing yourself, my precious. Only then the world will. Wipe away those tears or cry your heart out. Do anything that makes you feel great. It's your life. They will judge you. They will smirk at you but it doesn't and shouldn't make any difference to you. Only one person's judgement and opinion about you matters the most. Baby, its yours.

Laugh. Laugh out loud. Scare the hell out of them when you are laughing. The whole world fears strong happy women. Because these women refuse to be taken for granted. They refuse to be snubbed and dominated. They are power. You are them. You are the greatest power of all times and the energy hidden within you can destruct or construct a whole new world. You choose, my darling.

Honey, close your eyes and look within. See how beautiful you are. Feel how your heart is made of gold. Feel how your soul is pure like drops of morning dew. Now open your eyes and look at yourself in the mirror. See the smashing beauty. See that head held high. See those pretty eyes. See that smile no one in the world can miss. See that glow on your face. Listen to the mirror smiling at you and telling you that "you my lady, are the most beautiful woman in the world".

You go girl. You shine. You shimmer. You rock. You are unique and unmatched. Trust me when I tell you, woman, you are the best.

With a thousand bows,
Me.

This is Love

The world rushed past
The stillness
Of those two pairs of eyes..
For them the moment had frozen..
Each blink seems like ages..
As the view is so beautiful..
Mirror of each other..
Seeing the souls...
Reassured..
This is love..

#sigh #dreams