Who Am I?

Who am I ?

Am I the one giggling aloud with you?
Or the one weighing myself every second, a morsel of food hits my tongue?

Am I the one jealous of every thin or popular woman out there?
Or the one who is a coward, trying hard to please everyone?

Am I the one learning to say no for things I don't approve of?
Or the one whose soul is screaming in disagreement inside but not even a whisper comes out?

Am I the one with so many dreams?
Or the one lost with no direction?

Who am I ?
Too many questions.
No answers.
Just instances of the extremities.

Being most honest now,
But still reeling under the fear of rejection
Of being an outcast
Of being out there...
Left alone in the cold.

Who am I ?
A brave soul?
Or a scared heart?

Who am I ?

My Soul Yearns

Stuck in the middle of nowhere,
The path divides into many directions,
Taking with it, a part of me...

Losing myself bit by bit
To the madness,
Of excelling,
Of being better,
Of surrendering..

Few dreams beyond the horizon,
Wait for me..
But I wonder for how long..

I might still be here,
Stuck in pettiness..
While my soul yearns,
For that illusive peace..
Of pure joy,
Of real aspirations,
Of my true being..

Thus, Without Me

The sleepy cries of a child,
My magenta curtains,
The sleep eludes...

The fan swirling
The darkness shy of the light
The silent breaths

The rainy cold
Nose and feet
But then incomplete
This moment
Without you
Thus, Without me.

Halloween

An image lurking in the dark,
Under your bed,
Or by the window,
With the voice of intense silence,
And eyes deepened with red,
the red of blood,
Also dripping from the nails,
And of course,
The glistening drop of crimson,
On the corner of her lip,
She is stuck in between,
After the end and
before the beginning.

10 Reasons I dont Workout

Oh this one is going to be pretty easy. I keep thinking about this all the time.

1. There you have it. I think about it a LOT.  So I always forget the "doing" bit.

2. Gym is expensive.

3.  Home has nooooo space for gym equipments.

4. Morning is tooooo early.

5. Evening is tooooo dark and yes, unsafe.

6. Terrace is sooooo boring for a walk. 

7.  Today is holi/diwali/weekday/weekend.

8. Gym clothes. Who has them? You buy them and dont use them. Then they become old. When you finally decide on gymming. Bam! No gym clothes that are shiny new. 

9. Tiredddddddddd. I worked really hard today. How can I have the energy to workout?

10. And when all the above reasons don't work. I tell myself "I am all pepped up. Ready to rock. Let's start workout from t.o.m.o.r.r.o.w!?".

*chuckles*

Ciao!
Aparna Gautam
(*Confers a proud self pat to herself*)

11 Things I Learned at 28!

28 Years Old!

Oh God!! Old? Young? In between? That definitely is a big number though! What is it about 28 that really shocked me? It is that two steps to the BIG 30! I would be done with my 20s so soon. 

But then when I look back, it has been quite a journey. So many lessons, failures and successes. 

Below are the 11 things I learned at 28:

1. Choices - Life is all about the choices that we make. 
2. Books - If there is one friend that will always be by your side, it is your favorite book. And the best part is there are so many of them.
3. Friends - I have seen strangers turning into friends to best friends to Facebook friends to becoming strangers again. If you want a friend for life, BE a friend for life.
4. Love - More than emotions, it needs dedication. 
5. Work - Like my father always tells me 'A busy life is an easy life'.
6. Hobby - Everyone should have at least one. Routine is for machines.
7. Travel - Travel to unwind. Travel to learn. Travel to explore. Got to do more of this from now on.
8. Trust - Relationships have two problems - No trust or too much trust. Be realistic. Trust wisely not blindly.
9. Health - Mostly taken for granted. It's time to make a change.
10. Education/Learning - Should be never ending. The day you stop learning, you stop growing. 
11. Family - Most important. With you till the end and beyond.

Happy 28 to me!

Writer's Block

I came to the blog.

Stared back at the keyboard staring at me.

Ready to be typed away, 

My thoughts suddenly abandon me.

The screen and me are looking at each other.

It has been a while now. 

Wait, anything worth writing?

No. None. 

Blank.

Vacuum.

Empty.

Strangely sometimes,

we get so alone,

when the thoughts,

our very own thoughts,

leave us alone,

worrying,

but still calmness prevails. 

The keyboard decides to point out to me,

It is not your day may be.

Come tomorrow.

Go.

But then I forced myself,

to type,

type away,

After all,

I could not be at peace,

without writing,

without expressing,

just staring at the keyboard.

So I typed,

typed my heart away,

typed the blankness,

the emptiness

and the vacuum too,

and then I stopped to look,

Yes,

a poem,

which makes no sense,

but then explains,

defines,

makes clear,

that it is me after all,

giving expression,

to my silence.